The anti-adoption folk

I've mostly steered away from the anti-adoption websites in the past.  The other day I ran into these two sites.  I really don't know what to think about them.  What are your opinions?  These sites bother me for so many reasons, but it's been hard for me to filter my feelings about them. 

Comments

[PBfish]

These sites freak me out a bit. Mostly I find the absolutism a bit scary and also sad. The pain that someone must feel in order to become so determined to oppose adoption...it must be awful. And I have to admit that they scare me for other reasons too. The adoptees seem so angry and the idea that I might raise a child who ends up hating me for adopting them is quite daunting. I've seen these sites before and they shocked me at first and put me off the idea of adoption. Then I realized that the points of view represented are not universal, they can't be. There are people who are adopted who are not tremendously unhappy, I know this, I've met them and spoke with them.
That doesn't mean that I can't be educated by these sites, however the vitriol that they have for "infertiles", a group of people who are not the enemy, is enough to make me avoid reading them.
-a

[barb]

these sites make me hurt. on many levels. when i first started blogging, i found one (written by birthmothers, but for god's sake DON'T call them that) that made me so mad....in a similar vein.

[beth]

These are painful for me to read--especially coming from an infertile point of view.

Particularly from the first one, I could feel the anger radiating from my computer screen. I guess when you post under the name Wariorwoman that should give a heads-up, huh.

I agree with the previous poster: the views so vehemently expressed can't be universal. I know at least one well-adjusted adult adoptee who does not hate his adoptive parents. He wishes he knew more about his birthparents though.

I'm not sure whether I'll look at those sites again. Part of me thinks that these are things I need to know but then another part of me thinks why do I want to go stick needles in my eyes again.

[mochi]

de-lurking to say....i'm an adult adoptee who hasn't done a whole lot of "processing" of my adoption, mostly because i haven't felt the need to. sites like these are interesting to me from that perspective; i guess i'm curious about other people's experiences.

having said that, though, i have to agree that those are some pretty extreme views. people are going to span a broad spectrum with their experiences with something as emotional as adoption. i really don't think you can hold sites like those up as "what will happen." it certainly hasn't in my case.

it is frustrating, though, because they make it sound like there isn't a "real" need for adoption (or abortion, if you like), and that is something i just can't agree with. i wish people like that would put more effort and time into making the adoption process better, rather than going on about how awful it is. very unproductive.

[Kate]

The first one is ranting, seething, poorly written, and irritating. Of *course*, infertile women are prowling hospitals, desperate to snatch newborns to patch up failed relationships--and don't we all *know* that's really what adoption is all about?? Please. Let me roll my eyes.

The second one, however...sigh. I didn't read more than the opening page, but that one is something I think many, many people considering adoption should read.

When we started the adoption process, I frequented an adoption debate board on iVillage. It was an eye-opening experience. There was a good mix of adopters, adoptees, and birthmothers. I learned a lot about what a birthmother faces, feels, fears in relationship to her pregnancy, relinquishment and subsequent adoption of her child. The second site you linked to--at least that opening page--says a lot of the things that the bmoms said on the debate board, clearly and without much venom.

[benignneglect]

Yes, it would be great, if our society would do more for young mothers/familys who want to keep their children!
...and I think we should work for that as a society.
Yes, some adoptive kids will hate their adoptive parents!
...well, some birth children do!

...and yes, my heart would brake if I have a child and would have to give up for financial reasons...

But what those 2 ladies expressed are personal opinions, nothing more!

[Kateri]

That second site you linked to is a pamphlet I would give to any mother considering adoption. I think it's a complete and clear list of the things I think are important to know going into an adoption plan. Heather Lowe, who wrote that article, is (or was, a few years ago) a respected member of the online open adoption community.

The site her article was on, however, is hard for me to read. (and it looks like the other site you linked to is more of the same). I can't imagine how hard it must be for people who have adopted to read it. These women have a lot of anger to spew and I'm glad they have a place to spew it, but for the most part I don't need to read what they say.

[shannon]

I've read quite a bit of anti-adoption stuff both before, during and after our adoption. I seriously considered the anti point of view (esp. anti-transracial/cultural adoption) and here's what I finally decided:

Whatever social troubles lead to the moment of adoption, it is not adoption per se that is a problem. You can't really change anything about the world by adopting or by not adopting. Those problems come before adoption and have to be fought elsewhere, besides within private families.

The people who write against adoption have strong, valid feelings. But their feelings aren't facts and don't bear much intellectual weight. They bear emotional weight and that is to be respected. But their ideas don't really persuade me.

If they did, I wouldn't have adopted.