i was going to let this go...

but.  i guess not, huh?  here are just a few final pieces that i feel i need to put out there to clarify any confusion you all may have about why i'm going to induce lactation and why i feel it's better for a baby than formula.  i'm going to use bullets in an attempt to make this easy to read. 

• first, i'm not doing this to 'pretend' that i gave birth to this baby.  i wouldn't ever want to pretend that i birthed this baby.  let alone the fact that it's going to be pretty damn obvious to everyone around me that i didn't birth this baby.  because he will be african american. 
  
  • i have no wish or desire to birth children, i've never tried.  most of you know this - a few don't.  i'm adopting because i want to - because it's what i feel is right for me and my family.  so there is absolutely no way that inducing lactation, for me, has anything to do with wanting to push aside my son's first mother.  as you all should know by now (and if you don't - go read my archives first) i want nothing more than to have my childrens' first parents very involved on a day to day basis in our lives.  i don't want them to disappear.  i don't want them hiding. and i don't want to do anything that would make them feel uncomfortable. 
• as i stated before - this will be something that is stated up front - in our family profile - so if a woman doesn't feel comfortable with me breastfeeding her child - she will be able to toss us to the side right away.  we will not enter into a relationship where both parties are not 100% comfortable and in the know.  as we've seen in the comments below, there are first moms who are vehemently opposed to this and first moms that support it.  lots of different opinions out there in the world on this one.  i respect everyone's opinion and can understand why people would feel differently.  but just because a few individuals feel one way about things - doesn't mean that all will.  so i think it's really important to recognize that. 
• this is way too much work (as N stated in the comments) for me to be doing solely for bonding.  sure - it's a great way to bond and i love that there is that fringe benefit.  but there is no way i'd be doing this if it was just for my benefit - it wouldn't be worth it. 
• nutritionally, as marta said, the studies show that induced breastmilk (yes, even with domperidone) is the exact same in composition to breastmilk from a woman that has given birth, three weeks postpartum.  according to the who, my breastmilk is better for a baby than formula (which, in this situation, are probably the only two options).  the woman that conducted these studies is an IBCLC, a current doctoral learner with about 2 years left until she can publish her research and her site (www.asklenore.com) has two medical doctors who specialize in breastfeeding as consultants as well as a second long-term IBCLC.  in my opinion, she knows her stuff.  all of this stuff was said previously by mamamarta, but i wanted those who hadn't read the comments to also see this information. 
• prior to doing this - i did all of the research on domperidone.  i looked at both the pros and the cons and researched everything extensively.  i could give you my piles of paperwork if you'd like, but i'm sure you're not that invested in this.  domperidone is not FDA approved for political reasons.  nothing more.  multiple other countries have approved this drug for breastfeeding women to help boost milk supply.  my personal physician PRESCRIBED these medications for me and is monitoring me throughout this process and approves of both inducing lactation and adoptive breastfeeding.  my daughter's pediatrician was ecstatic that she was receiving even a few drops of breastmilk.  she's a very 'natural' pediatrician.  she was born, raised, and trained in India and has a background in ayuervedic medicine.  she prefers 'natural' remedies to chemical.  and she supports my inducing lactation and adoptive breastfeeding.  frankly, i'm not one to believe the FDA always has our best interests at heart.  i believe that they, just like any other governmental organization in this country related to health, are too deeply influenced by prescription companies to truly approve drugs based on whether or not they're beneficial to the population they're supposed to be protecting.  after researching it, i strongly believe this drug is not being approved purely for bureaucratic bullshit reasons.  this drug, as opposed to the drug that IS FDA approved, reglan, doesn't have any of the horrific side effects on breastfeeding women or babies.  reglan, the drug that the fda wants to be prescribed for women with a low milk supply, can cause very serious depression in women, mood swings, etc. that can last long after a patient has weaned from the drug.  dom, on the other hand, is significantly more safe. 
• studies have shown that dom is a safe (L1) drug for breastfeeding moms.  i understand if you're a person that doesn't like to take medications.  i'm pretty pill/drug-phobic myself.  my family eats almost exclusively organic food.  we like all-natural remedies instead of chemical remedies.  but my induced breastmilk isn't chemical-laden.  yes - it's chemically induced.  and some women, during the course of time, are able to eliminate the domperidone altogether.  but even if i have to take it the entire time i'm breastfeeding, i will.  it's still better for a baby than the chemical-laden formula.  that, in my opinion, is much more 'artificial' and 'unnatural'. 
• as for the feeling that adoptive breastfeeding is predatory - well - i just don't get that.  maybe it stems from the fact that, in the u.s., breasts have been so sexualized that people get the idea that putting a baby that is not mine biologically to my breast is 'abusive'?  i don't know - i don't understand that feeling at all.  but i'd love for jasai to clarify more on why she feels that way.  because if my breastfeeding is predatory for that reason, then everyone's is.  but, frankly, breasts are meant for feeding.  in that they are also an erogenous zone seems completely arbitrary to me in this conversation.  and i'm feeling a little offended by that comment (nothing against you, jasai, i just can't see where that came from).  care to elaborate? 
• kristenjean - if you haven't already - go back and take a look at my archives.  i'm with you on your points about adoption reform in the way of social service programs for women with unplanned pregnancies.  i don't yet know where i stand on the 'primal wound' theory, but i do believe that separating a child from their biological mother does have a profound affect on the child, whether visible or not.  but i also believe that some domestic infant adoptions are truly necessary.  take a look at the recent post by shannon at peter's cross station.  this captures where i'm coming from on this front.  our daughter's adoption is similar in nature to nat's.  so - all that considered - i'm with you.  but in my opinion this topic is more about whether my breastmilk is better (or even ok) for an adopted baby, as opposed to formula.  and i think the research shows that it is.  additionally, just as pregnancy and birth has gone through 'medicalization' as you mention, so had breastfeeding.  ergo, formula.  no, i don't want to revert to the days where the wealthy had wet nurses for convenience.  but i do feel like it's a very natural thing.  hell - if my friends were lactating and decided to breastfeed my daughter, i'd be fine with that, too.  in my opinion, it's no different than them putting a bottle in her mouth.  it's just food.  the healthiest food that will be available to my child. 
• as for the health factors, i mentioned above that my daughter's pediatrician loved that i was breastfeeding zade.  see - for zade - because society didn't support my breastfeeding of my daughter (my job, the length of maternity leave i was allowed versus what my job requested i take, the amount of time i would have needed to spend pumping, etc. i could go on forever with reasons why it wasn't a supportive environment) we had no choice but to eventually switch full-time to formula.  it was absolutely, for my daughter, not in her best interest.  she has a very sensitive system.  her body did not take well to formula.  she has horrible eczema that will, if left unattended, overtake her entire body.  when she was breastfeeding, her eczema flare ups were significantly less frequent than they were with the formula.  we had to try multiple different formulas until we found one that agreed with her system.  and in the end, it was also one of the most expensive formulas.  hmmm - i wonder if there's a reason behind that?  she still has horrible eczema.  we cannot use soap on the majority of her skin.  we must put multiple creams and treatments on her body three to four times a day to keep her from being one big itchy scab.  when she was breastfeeding, her skin was clear.  she didn't get diaper rash.  she was a happy, sleepy babe.  but with the formula, things changed significantly.  so - i do truly believe that i'm doing this because it's what is best for my child. 

you may disagree.  and that's ok with me (right, **name removed out of respect for the individual mentioned**? ;). 

i think i'm officially a lactivist.  anyone have a good adoptive breastfeeding slogan i can put on a t-shirt?  come on - let's have a contest!!!

Comments

[Kohana]

Wow, what a firestorm! I just wanted to voice some more support. I am with Shannon - seeing how much work this takes makes me feel less inclined to try it. I was interested when we adopted our son but I didn't feel like I could handle all that work without knowing when the end was in sight. It seemed like another thing that might go wrong and not work out when adoption can be such a rollercoaster to begin with. The clear health benefits of breastmilk do inspire me to get some somehow for the next time we adopt. I had one friend who was willing to donate her milk but I just didn't get everything together... But yea, breastmilk is the best for babies and I wish you all the best in producing enough for the new baby!

[kristenjean]

As, an adudt adoptee who has been to therapy for many numerous reasons, and who is going to graduate school for social work. The only and I mean ONLY thing that fits the things that go on with me is the Primal Wound theory. It is the only way that any therapist has been able to explain why I act like, and for that matter am a trauma victim. I've been through alot but even with all of that other stuff, the ONLY thing that fits is Primal Wound theory. Believe me when I say I don't like it and I don't want to believe it but the only way I've gotten any better in life is by accepting it, even if i never mention it and working through those issues. To not view those issues as issues realted to my adoption is a disservice. I won't try and convince you one way or another, but have going through everything I have been through, I will take it as the answer. And yes I have been reading and reading and reading, I have a copy of the DSM-IV-TR, the diagnositc maual psychologists and mental health professionals use, and while primal wound theory isn't in there yet, absolutely no other diagnosis fits. I wouldn't never tell someone to self diagnosis but I needed to know what was going on with me.

To completely ignore Primal Wound is a disservice to any adoptee wether you believe it or not.

For any infant adoption to be an okay thing completely open adoption must be legally inforcable and it should be deemed a guardianship where the adoptee has all the same rights and privlages as non-adoptees, their birth certificates, their original names, their bloodline and their history.

There are also countries, Ireland is one of them that have NO infant adoptions that are closed, maybe none I would have to check on that again but adoption doesnt exist that way over there. I don't find adoption to be a natural thing, it wasn't created as a system in this country, the system as we know it, until the 1940's. Breastfeeding is totally natural, adoption I am not so sure, not when there are still people debating me over whether or not I should be allowed to have my birth certificate, or have my original name, when ALL of the problems with the system are worked out then I will reconsider my stance.

I will read and go through archives tommorow.

[katherine]

i am sorry, kristenjean, to read of the pain your adoption has caused you. i'm sending wishes for healing and hope you find time to read the archives, as i think you'll be heartened to know that this is a community that supports your stance regarding infant adoption.

[Matt]

Can gay guys breastfeed yet?

Cheers,
Matt

[kristenjean]

I just want to be clear I am not against all adoptions, not by a long shot. I think closed infant adoptions are 100% wrong because they force us adoptees to remain in the place of a child, that is, unable to access our original birth records. If open adoption was enforceable by law, I would be okay with that too, provided that adoption was open and only the best interest of the child was put forth. Next I am okay with foster care adoption, provided that the foster/adoptive parents do not change the first or middle name of hte child and if the child wishes to keep their original last name also they keep that, there is no reason to ammend and then seal the brith record either. That is the best interest of the child. I am totally okay with that.

I think there is alot to learn about the pains of losing a child, being one of those children who has grown up, from the children and from the first parents.:)

I am sorry that pain in adoption exists, I wish it didn't.

[Brooke]

I am thrilled to hear that you will be giving your new baby breastmilk. There is no substitution. There are other ways to feed an infant, but still no substitution. Not even for the nutrition alone, but the skin to skin contact breastfeeding provides. Babies are born hardwired to thrive on the bare skin of a breast in their mouth. The touch of human skin all around them as they drink both nutrition for their bodies and nutrition for their souls.

Your willingness to go to the ends of the earth for your children is beautiful. You are taking on so much to provide a gift to this child that you aren't expected to do. In fact, as your post exemplifies, you are almost expected NOT to try by some people. As if breastfeeding a child not born from your body is abnormal. What about the practice of wet nursing?

In other cultures and within small communities in this culture, no woman will let a child go without breastmilk. If a woman has milk, it is her obligation to the welfare of society to share this milk! I grew up in a circle of women who watched each other's children, all of whom were breastfed, and there were no bottles sent along. My siblings are in fact, "lap siblings" to many of our friends and cousins. My sister and I, and several friends and I shared, at times, our breastmilk for the ease of the mother and well-being of the child. It was not weird. And I think breastfeeding one's OWN child, birth or adoptive, as even more acceptable. If not expectable!

The effort to collect donated breastmilk is one of the most humane public health efforts I have seen in many years. Human babies thrive best on human milk. Of course this isn't always possible and I don't berate women who, for whatever reason, are not able to breastfeed. But I am so touched and thrilled that you are willing to try.

A good friend successfully and happily breastfed her adopted child for nearly three years! She started stimulating breastmilk production when the baby was 7 or 8 months gestational age. Then, after his birth, she supplemented with donated breastmilk (milk from friends who pumped, very Low Tech!) through a SNS (supplemental nursing system)until her milk, and their nusring relationship, was established. They were a happy nursing pair for many years.

I hope you have a wonderful breastfeeding experience. And I wholeheartedly support your intentions!

Good luck.
Brooke

[Nancy]

I know I already commented, but I have one more comment that no one seems to have adressed. Hope you don't mind, since I'm a lurker here...

Even if you *were* doing this solely for the benefit of "bonding", it wouldn't be wrong or selfish. Bonding is not just for the mother's benefit! It's very important for infants to bond with their primary caregiver, for their own sake. Cheers. :)

[Lisa V]

I considered trying to nurse Apple. I was discouraged by our social workers and the LLL rep I talked to.They knew no one who had done it successfully. It sounded like so much work, so I just backed off. I wish I had tried at least. I nursed both my next two daughters (who I gave birth to) and really loved it. We did lots with Apple to bond and have skin to skin contact, but she and I both missed out on something.
Congratulations for trying, I'm wishing I had.

[Heartened]

Ok, honest thought - I'd be horrified to learn my adoptive mother breast fed me. And I can't give you a single rational easily-understood reason why.

I thought maybe it was because my adoptive parents sucked in pretty much every way. But then I started thinking about my sister-in-law breast feeding my adopted nephew. Same ick factor creeped up. Yet I remember when she breast fed her bio daughter - no ick factor. And I breast fed my kids - no ick factor.

As I said - I can't give a single rational reason. It's not that I think it is unnatural - I've asked myself that a lot. I honestly can't put it into words.

I do think some of my ick factor comes stems from a general mistrust I feel about so many adoptive parents I've encountered. Why those experiences should carry more weight with me than the good experiences I've had with awesome adoptive moms like AfriIndie, my own sister-in-law and a number of other adoptive mom bloggers I've "met," I also can't explain. I wouldn't link to AfrIndie's blog on my own if I didn't respect her as a mom and think she rocks. Same with my buddy Manuela's blog. These, to me, are exemplary moms!

It still squicks me. I almost wish it didn't because I REALLY like these women and think they are fabulous moms!

With that said, the ick factor is definitely less when it comes to moms like AfrIndie. It goes into overdrive with some of the adoptive parents I've "met" on different adoption forums. Usually it's the ones who talk the good talk - but their true attitudes about first moms peeks through after a while. They just plain piss me off and I want to tell them they don't deserve to raise another woman's child. Like one I saw comment on a site yesterday who said that because a young couple forgot their birth control, this was a good indication they were unsuitable as parents. WHAT THE FUCK??? Yup, wanted to smack her.

I know that I am super protective of first moms. That feeling has gotten stronger since I got my non-id and it stated that my mom needed "considerable support" to carry through with her adoption plan. Can you imagine being in my shoes? KNOWING my mom wanted me but couldn't get the support she needed to keep me? And what happened? I ended up adopted by abusive nutcases. No matter how poor my mom may have been, I now do not doubt I'd have been better off with her. Why? Because she genuinely wanted me.

You all genuinely want your kids as well. That's something I'm still getting used to. Consider who I had as adoptive parent "role models" until I "met" all of you. I'm still working through the damage.

So yes, I have an ick factor. But I'm getting over it. And perhaps, as adoptive breast feeding becomes more common, we won't consider it "strange" anymore.

My ONLY concern is using drugs to induce (whether a bio mom or adoptive mom, feeling is the same). That, more than anything is, I think, what makes me uncomfortable. Mostly because I remember the thalamide babies or the adverse effects of "safe" chemicals like saccharin and nutrasweet. I can't help but worry that in 20 years, we're going to find out we made a huge mistake. God, please don't let that be so.

Ultimately, you have to do what feels right to you. Ultimately, the only one you will have to "answer" to is your child. Everyone else is just fluff - me included! :)

Even if I am squicked by this, I support your right to share this with your baby (with the first mom's knowledge, because I do think this is something that needs to be discussed with them).

Personally, I'm just in it for the pictures - love the pictures of Z and can't wait to see pictures of the new Indie-babe!!!

[susan/holdingpattern]

At some level, I wonder if the adoptive breast-feeding issue is a litmus test about one's true feelings about adoption; about whether one thinks that adoption itself is unnatural or second-rate.

I think it's especially important for prospective adoptive parents to know their true feelings on the subject before they go through with it.

Just a thought. I really have no idea.

[MamaChristy]

Hi there - I found you via BloggingBaby and I think that it is wonderful that you want to breastfeed your adobted children. Good for you that you aren't influenced by the negative comments of others! I think that this is a very personal decision - it isn't right for some people. Breastfeeding isn't right for all mom's who birth their children; why should it be right for all adoptive parents? Good luck and blessings to you. I look forward to reading about this process!

[Jen]

I just stumbled across this blog from another blog and read it because DH & I are considering adoption of a future child.

First, Afrindiemum, I fully support your choice and your herculean efforts to induce lactation!

I'll admit, as a previous poster put it, I did have a "squick" reaction at first although as I mulled it over, I'm not sure why. Especially since I do think it's great you're going to breastfeed your child. The more I think about it though, the less strange it seems. And it will definitely be something I seriously consider if DH & I do adopt someday.

For those vehemently opposed, I wonder if there's the same opposition to donated breastmilk. Or to inducing lactation and giving the baby breastmilk in a bottle? In other words, is this an issue of the fluid itself or of the intimacy of the baby-to-mother contact? It seems to me that U.S. society is still somewhat uncomfortable with any kind of breastfeeding (as evidenced by stores, cafes, etc. asking breastfeeding woman to leave or "go do that" in the bathroom).

[ivory]

I for one am so proud of you, for reasons i can barely begin to articulate. For those of us who have given birth, and struggled with BFing, it is refreshign to see someone so commited to it, to give an extra 800% to give their child the best. It makes my little issues seem just that - little. CONGRATS on your impending adoption, and bravo for educating the masses, whether they want to be or not!

[ivory]

ps - after talking with my husband, we agree with susan/holdingpattern, on her thought that perhaps it has less to do with the breastfeeding, and more to do with the fact that many can not fully accept that this will be Your child, through adoption. Adoption, to many, still seems more like fostering (you taking care of someone elses child) and less like family (Your Child.) We are on the side of Family, so it seems obvious to us that you would give your child breastmilk, but perhaps those that can not see adoption this way (consciously or not) have issues with you breastfeeding someone elses child.

Regardless, Horray for breastfeeding. Breastmilk for the masses!

[grumpyshoegirl]

I guess I can understand firstmoms' feelings and issues with amoms' breastfeeding, but a huuuuuuge part of me is thinking, where does it end? What about other decisions that will be made for the baby: religious upbringing, cloth versus disposable diapering, schooling, post-breastfeeding diet. Do adoptive parents have to consult the mother on all of these issues, or is breastfeeding special in some way? It seems to me that objections to breastfeeding rooted in the "intimacy" or "decision-making" areas are really more about the broader issue of how adoption should be handled.

I guess my view is that unless the mother (adoptive or first) has AIDS or another infectious disease that can be transmitted through breastfeeding, or has to take a drug that could harm the baby, then breastfeeding should always be the first choice. Adoptive breastfeeding doesn't disgust me in the least.....I think it's awesome! Yes, mother's own milk is best for the baby, but human milk from another woman is still better than formula, advances in technology (which someone pointed out) nonwithstanding. There are a lot of food products that technology has enabled, that doesn't make them the same as or better than the original!

Formula is made from cow's milk which has been modified so a baby's immature digestive system can handle it. It's still lacking in certain nutrients and chemicals that human milk, even induced human milk from another woman, has naturally. Soy formula is even less ideal. The baby's nutritional interests will be best served with breastmilk, so I applaud adoptive moms who make the effort to breastfeed.

And I don't think bonding can or should be discounted, either. I had to exclusively-pump for my daughter for the first six weeks, and putting her to the breast *is* nicer than bottle-feeding her was. For one thing, it's faster, so her needs are better met more immediately. The milk is sterile and always at the perfect temperature. And the time I would have had to spend cleaning and preparing bottles, and pumping, can be spent cuddling the baby. Bonding with the primary caregiver, regardless of who it is, is HUGE for a new baby. Yes, bottle-fed babies can and do bond with their parents, but if breastfeeding provides enhanced bonding, what's the problem there? I would be happy knowing that my baby is getting the best nutrition and that it's being provided in a warm, nurturing package. I'd also be happy that my baby's adoptive mom was so committed to the baby's well-being. When you become a parent, the baby's needs should really come first.

[julie]

well i just came across this blog and i think its awesome that you are going to bfeed your baby. I am an adoptive mother, i was also adopted as a baby. I also have bfed my two birth children. Didn't bfeed my other children because we didn't adopt them til they were over the age of 3, but if i'd adopted them as infants, i definitely would have tried to bfeed them. I dont' understand why anyone would have a problem with this. When that child is placed in your arms, whether by birth or adoption, that child becomes your child. And just as you would bfeed your birthed child, why shouldn't you bfeed your adopted child? As for the "predatory" comment....anyone woman who has breastfed knows that we do this for our children! The pain involved in the beginning with the cracked, bleeding nipples, the constant (every hour some days!) feeding, and the difficulty our children can sometimes have with weaning (i'm working on this now with my 2 year old)are definitely not something we do for ourselves! Keep up the good work, afrindiemum!! You are awesome!
julie

[stace]

It's a great thing you are doing:) I wish more women who adopt would know about this. Even if they never have a full supply the bonding is just great!

[Sylvie]

I say good for you and good for your baby. I think this choice has nothing to do with others feelings views and ideas of natural vs un-natural. I think that it is great, and even better because the potential birth mother will know your plans and if she feels it is un-natural or weird she does not have to choose you, the ball is in her court. So really the only people who are intitled to an opinion are the parents, birthparents and adoptive parents. You go ahead girl and make your baby some milk if you want to!

[Sara]

I applaud your efforts to breastfeed. As a mother to a 3 mo. old AA baby, I know what a commitment it is to try and breastfeed. We only had a month and a half notice before our baby was born, so I used the Lact-Aid supplemental nursing system with formula.
Next time round, I'd love to try "preparing" ahead of time so that maybe I could produce milk and breastfeed.

The idea of an adoptive mother breastfeeding is a really unusual concept for our society, though it shouldn't be. Every mother has a right to nurse, whether biological or not. Our society is not used to the idea of anyone other than the biological mother nursing (and even that has taken time for people to get use to.) I understand if people have never heard of the concept of adoptive breastfeeding. It's not something most people have knowledge of. I also understand that if someone feels that breastfeeding in general is gross, well then, that's fine because they're entitled to their opinion.

However, for someone to approve of a biological mother's choice of breastfeeding and then to disagree with an adoptive mother's choice is a huge inconsistency. Both are mothers. When a person starts saying what a biological and adoptive mother should or shouldn't do, I fear they are limiting the definition of motherhood. Both adoptive and biological mothers should be treated the same when it comes to motherhood. After all, an adoptive parent doesn't look upon their child any different than a parent of biological children. They want the best nutrition for their child. They love and want to bond with their child the same. They care for their child the same.
To say that breastfeeding biological children is okay, while adopted children is not, is sending the message that they don't really think adopted children should be nurtured and treated as a son or daughter. Furthermore, it may be that people who feel this way don't truly see families formed through adoption as "real" families and that is a great limitation for them. I am truly saddened by this.

My hope is that through thoughtful discussion their eyes will be opened to the many wonderful ways that families are formed and that they will see and treat all mothers the same.

[Jo]

Oh, afrindiemum. You know how I feel about this (I'm for it! Big time!). As always, I'm glad of your presence on the internet, as a voice for ethical adoption, and for adoptive breastfeeding.

[Moxie]

LIsa V, I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you needed. My mom was an LLL leader in the 70s, and she's talked about helping a couple of adoptive moms breastfeed. So the knowledge has been out there for long enough that your local people should have known it.

[erinberry]

I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic over the last few days, trying to understand why certain birth mothers here object so strongly.

Birth mothers’ connection to children is largely a physical thing (note: I’m not saying that birth mothers don’t also have strong emotional feelings about their birth children). A birth mother physically conceives a baby, physically carries the baby, and she passes along her genes to the baby. In contrast, the adoptive mother’s body does not historically have any physical tie to the child. So now that adoptive mothers can breastfeed, perhaps birth mothers feel threatened by this new ability of the adoptive mother to physically bond with the child. Like, “Hey, it used to be only us birth mothers who could nourish children with our bodies, and now you’re encroaching on our territory. We can't raise the children, but at least we should be the only ones to have that physical connection with them.”

I understand how this perceived "encroachment" could be painful, but I also think it would be selfish to deny the adoptive mothers the ability to physically bond and to deny the babies the most nourishing food available.

[Jessica]

I'm the wife of one of those mythical well-adjusted, formula-fed rocket scientists (he really is a rocket scientist) and am myself a well-adjusted, formula-fed MD. I think IQ is mainly genetic. Neither of us have any allergies and have been healthy as horses, knock on wood. So I, myself, will lightheartedly switch to formula if nursing should prove a heartache for me.

That said, I believe nursing or not is a personal choice, amom or not, and have no ick-factor whatsoever should an amom attempt it. More power to her. Such determination to bring the child what she believes to be the best start in life (if she so believes) is laudable.

The era of HIV has loaded the sharing of body fluids with an almost unbearable intimacy (you must trust that person with your LIFE), and that may partly be responsible for the strong emotions the subject seems to stir in some. In the end, it's just a fluid, a way to get nutrition for the baby, and a pretty good way at that.

[Cookie]

Just curious that many of the negative comments about adoptive mom breastfeeding seem to be gone. Just wondered!

[LISA HIRSCH]

I think it's great that you're breastfeeding the new baby. You're doing what's best for him. If people think that's weird, that's their problem.

The formula companies couldn't make money if every mother breastfed, so they've marketed formula heavily- I think I remember reading about Nestle marketing formula to women in developing countries as being "better" than breast milk, I think it's criminal.