adoptive breastfeeding tutorial

i'm doing it again.  the adoptive breastfeeding thing.  so i thought i'd walk you all through the process and give you a little insight into my pill popping world of late. 

first off, to breastfeed an adopted baby (or baby born via surrogate) you've got to prepare well in advance.  i should have started sooner, but i think i'm still fine.  basically, you can find information on the different ways to prepare to breastfeed on a website called ask lenore, as well as on a website called the adoptive breastfeeding resource website.  both are great places in terms of the information they provide, but both have their own feel to them.  the abrw has moderators that tend to lean toward the natural way of inducing lactation and ask lenore is a little more balanced, in my biased opinion.  both have message boards that are a great place to get your questions answered, but the abrw recently started charging a fee for the use of their boards, and the ask lenore boards are free of charge.  both also have multiple boards dealing with things like infertility, surrogacy, natural and medicated methods of inducing lactation and a host of other topics.  these sites are both good places to begin your research.  and research you must!  but i'll get into that a little more in-depth later. 

to induce lactation last time i used the Newman-Goldfarb protocols for Induced Lactation: The Guide for Maximizing Milk Supply.  i used the accelerated protocol to prepare for z, but this time around i'm using the regular protocol, since i have the time.  in other words - i go the completely medicated route.  i just don't have the persistence to stick with the natural route.  so to do this, here's what i have to do: 

1. take a birth control pill, either yasmin or microgestin continuously for six months.  this prevents me from having a period and makes my breasts prepare in a similar fashion to what happens during pregnancy.  they basically get at least a cup size larger and become painful.  what fun, right? 
2. the same day i start the birth control pill (i'm taking the yasmin) i begin taking 10 mg. of a drug called domperidone four times a day, twenty minutes before i eat.  domperidone is a stomach medication that is not fda approved.  but it's been well-researched in the breastfeeding community.  and the reason it's not approved is because there are other stomach medications out there that the fda feels do what domperidone would do and it is therefore unnecessary to approve dom.  anyhow - it's all bureaucracy.  to obtain domperidone, one must semi-illegally import it through a company called global drug, or get a prescription from your physician (like i did this time) and obtain it through one of the few compounding pharmacies in the u.s.  so it's legal, just not approved - get me?  and domperidone has the amazing side effect of telling your pituitary gland to lactate.  cool stuff, huh? 
3. a week after beginning things, i must up my dosage of domperidone to 10 mg. four times a day. 
4. i continue with everything for six months.
5. once the six months is up (for me, it will be august 7th) i stop the yasmin, continue on the domperidone and should have a period of massive proportions.  it's like what happens in a pregnant woman when the placenta is expelled.  again, fun, huh? 
6. i also start in with the breast pumping.  this stimulates my milk to come in, as if i had a baby breastfeeding at this time.  i've purchased, for a smoking good deal, a used hospital-grade medela lactina breastpump.  don't worry - this one is actually approved for multiple users - and is the exact model that my local lactation clinic uses.  it's hefty duty.  and lovely, don't you think?  you wanna know how many times i have to pump a day?  every three hours and once between the hours of 1:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m., as my prolactin levels will be highest at that point in the day.  yes, that means that i will be strapped to the blue monster at 8am, 11am, 2pm, 5pm, 8pm, 11pm, 2am, and then i get a break until i wake up again to pump at 8am. 
7. good news, though!  this means that i will begin getting breastmilk that can be stored in my freezer for up to 12 months.  so if nothing else, i will have a massive stock pile built up for coffee when you come visit me! 
8. and i must continue the domperidone throughout breastfeeding. 
9. i can also take herbs like blessed thistle and fenugreek (which makes me smell like curry, yum!) three times a day and eat oatmeal once a day to also help increase my milk supply. 

so - guess what the maximum amount of pills i will have to take per day will be?  just guess.  you'll never guess.  ok.  i must, at one point in this process, take twenty pills a day.  my god.  at this point, my gag reflex gets a little heightened, as i try to down six pills at once. 

in order to be able to logistically pump as much as i'll need it, i need to buy one of these.  or maybe i'll try making my own.  and then i can sit online and blog six times a day for fifteen to twenty minutes a day. 

once the baby is home, he will do most of the work of the breast pump (thank god) and i'll be able to significantly reduce my pumping time.  and all that saved-up frozen milk?  well - if you won't accept it in your coffee or tea - someone will have to use it.  so i guess it will be the baby.  and the way we'll use it is with one of these handy dandy thingys.  i put the milk in the bag, strap the tube to my breast, and plop my breast in the baby's mouth.  and ta da!  we have milk from the bag, milk from me, and the baby stimulating my milk supply to increase. 

with these protocols, it is expected that i'll be able to produce most of my child's milk needs.  the rest will come through the lact-aid from my frozen milk and if necessary, i'll supplement with an organic formula.  i know that sounds doubtful, but my friend certainly did it.  she was like a one-woman dairy farm on the regular protocol.  last time, i managed to pump quite a bit of milk, but because of multiple factors, z and i had to give up the breastfeeding just a few short months after we began.  this time, those factors won't get in our way, and i hope to breastfeed my son as long as he damn well pleases.  but no, he will not be allowed to as for my 'nu nus' or 'ta tas' or 'nuk nuks' or even 'bubbies'.  they are breasts.  when he wants to nurse, he'll have to ask to nurse.  or breastfeed.  or maybe he'll wean early.  who knows. 

now - how many of you are asking, 'why on earth is she doing this?'

Comments

[Marisa]

Holy cow. This fire doesn't need any more fuel, so I will just say: I heart Susie. I think you're a great mom and I think you are doing a great thing for the baby who will eventually join your family.

[sedie]

You are an amazing woman. This is all new to me, but it's such interesting information. I can totally understand why you would do it, it's a special bonding experience for you and your new baby. Good luck!

[Jen]

Ever since I heard about this type of breastfeeding I have thought it is wonderful. I've always hoped that when we adopt, the circumstances will be right for me to do this. Thanks for all of the GREAT information. You rock, on so many different levels.

[mamamarta]

kimkim, i agree with much of what you say. a mother is a mother is a mother, forever and always. if the term "birthmother" is ever appropriate (i'm becoming less and less convinced that it ever is...) then at the very least it is not appropriate until after a mother has relinquished her parental rights. while she is pregnant and considering adoption, she is simply a pregnant woman considering adoption.

i think your point about the potential for coercion is well taken. i personally think it's a bad idea for women to induce lactation with a particular baby in mind. i always counsel potential adoptive moms who are matched with a pregnant woman considering adoption that they are not preparing to breastfeed "their" baby; that they need to be in it for the long-haul; that they need to be prepared to pump for a long time; that chances are very good that the pregnant woman will choose to parent her baby, and they need to be prepared for that possibility. most potential adoptive moms are not up for the sort of commitment that inducing lactation takes, and so most will not go that route.

i think that all pre-birth matching is inherently coercive. i'm not sure what to do about that. but i'm not sure that knowing that a woman is planning to breastfeed necessarily makes that scenario even more coercive (although i completely agree that the potential for additional coercion is there). certainly, if a potential adoptive mom has not done anything in preparation, it will not be any more coercive. if she has made long-term preparations for breastfeeding, she herself should know, and the mother considering adoption should also know, that that commitment was her own, and that the mother considering adoption owes her *absolutely nothing.* the agency should also be giving the mother the same message, and buffering her from the potential adoptive parents' grief if she decides to parent. of course, the agency *should* be doing that regardless, whether or not the potential adoptive mom is planning to breastfeed.

i think if adoption is being done ethically (and to be honest, i'm not sure what that looks like), i'm not sure that adding breastfeeding to the mix necessarily makes it any more coercive. i think that coercion is the problem, and should be erradicated from adoption as much as possible, but i guess i don't think that the possibility of an adoptive mom breastfeeding *has* to be coercive.

i am open to thinking more about this, and will, and i thank you kimkim for bringing up these issues, even if in the end we agree to disagree.

[Lilian]

wow. Very meaningful discussion going on. I'm learning a lot from all of you, afrindie, kimkim, mamamarta.

[KristenJean]

It is my understanding that a wet nurse was used by those women who were in the upper castes of society. I doubt a peasant woman ever had a wet nurse, more likely she was the wet nurse. Just because something happened for a period of time in history does not make it okay or right. I also beleive that some peasant's children when hungry because they were wet nurses for the women of higher classes. you can check the history of that yourself.

In France, King Louis decided that he wanted to see his wife give birth and had her lay on a table. He sat in a chair across the room, smoking and watched. Prior to that a midwife helped women give birth in private without men around. Childbrearing practices changed adter that. Women in France from then forward did this because the Queen had done it. Doctors have women lay on their backs to give birth because it is easier for them. This was the first medicalization of childbirth. It is also the reason why now, the skill of turning a child around so that it is not breach when being born was almost completely lost. Most doctors and midwives do not do the procedure anymore. And yes i realize that it can be dangerous but so is delievery or a c-section.

Wholistically, there are better, less painful positions to spend the majority of labor in rather than laying on one's back, as can be seen in birth centers which encourage women to eat and move about until they are in active labor. History of this stuff just don't hold up for me, sorry.

I am not against herbs and natural supplements, fenugreek included. And I do take other medications on the rare instance that I need to. I don't take anythign for a cold that isn't natural unless I suddenly spike a very high fever, like over 100 degrees. I do use birth control but that is only affect my body right now.

I do not support fertility drugs. If I can't get pregnant when it comes time I can't it is that simple. I do want children but if I can't have them on my own I will look into foster care. Yes, thats right no infant adoption, there are plenty of children who do need homes but are older or disabled. I won't get into the why's and how's of the losses involved with infant adoption.

Over the years Ive developed alergeries to the pesticides and chemicals in food. I break out in hives and get swollen even if the food is washed or cooked. I've been tested and its an allergy to that. Articial chemcials react poorly with my body. And if I can't produce enough milk then I will have to do a whole lot of pumping and exploring options.

It's not simply an adoption related thing, its partly a technology thing and an FDA and health thing. Here's another somewhat off topic example, but an example nonetheless. Asprin therapy studies were all orignially done on men. (you the the ones that show correlations between asprin and hearth attacks) The results were generalized for years. And you have to go into the orignial studies through a database for this info, like psychinfo or something. But more studies have been done, which included women. Long story short, asprin therapy works differently in men and women, and asprin does different things to their bodies. This is part of my issue with medications and chemicals.

I was bottle fed and I'm like an ox with the exception of the pesticide and chemical allergies. I'm also on an organic diet because it is healthier for me. I am against chemicals that are lab made. I was a happy well adjusted child even with bottle formula, and a healthy one at that.

and really if you want me to find all of the little instances where correlations have become fact (which is wrong when studies become generalized public knowledge) I can do that.

If as you said, which i know is true, that your body will lactate on its own, that is a better route than anythign that is chemically induced.

Also a woman who give birth has breastmilk that is taylor produced for that baby alone, all other breastmilk is chemically different, even her milk for a second or third child is different form the milk produced for the individual baby. As I said before it smell and is different from her first mother's breast milk.

I'm not totally anti adoption either. And yes I take a hormonal birth control but as I said it will be long out of my system before birth, if I can have a child, and for the duration of breastfeeding.

that is really all I have to say on that.

[shirky]

KristenJean,
Since you are "against chemicals that are lab made", can you understand why someone might have a preference for breastmilk over formula?

[jasai]

I am stunned; by this whole conversation. By the possibility that this could or would be done. And it is really an organic kind of emotion as I have only natural children and do not feel particularly against adoption. but somehow this does not work in my head; not even where my imagination resides. I have no idea what the chemical, FDA yada yada medical ramifications are but it feels very....preditory.

In reading all of the comments, I feel like I most understood the deep emotion of KimKim. I just don't "get it." It seems such a drastic measure; more to prove something than to do something beneficial (cleary just my take)

Wow.

[Missy]

Wow. I just started reading this blog.

Just an FYI, Afrindimum, I have used the Lactaid system and I have nothing but WONDEFUL things to say for it, if that is what you'll be using to induce lactation. I am not an adoptive mother but I had serious milk supply issues with my son shortly after he was born. The Lactaid and a breastpump were the only two things that saved our nursing relationship.

Those of you who are "horrified" at the thought of woman nursing a child who is not biologically her own, there are so many other battles you might consider fighting. How about the kids who don't have mothers at all? How about kids who don't have anything to eat, let alone formula or breastmilk?

A mom makes a very personal choice when she decides how to feed her child. Why this is a HUGE argument with so many people, I'll never understand. Formula hasn't killed anyone, at least not directly, and it's a very suitable substitute for what nature created. At the same time, nothing can even come close to the nutritional and immunological powerhouse that breastmilk is.

Nice to meet ya, Afrindiemum!

[Missy]

Oh, and actually, domperidone is actually an L1 drug, as of 2004. Here's the webpage for more info: http://kellymom.com/health/meds/prescript_galactagogue.html

For more information on breastfeeding, in general, this is a great site: kellymom.com.

[KristenJean]

Shirky,

Yes I can understand it, but if a man who spends enough time with a crying infant can lacate, then the chemicals aren't needed to lactate. I totally understand being against formulas.

But I also have to wonder if psychologically it is okay for the infant, not jsut physically more healthy. An infant, at birth knows its mothers eyes, her sounds, her smell, her everything and that mother is the only mother she is primed for. Primal Wound, which is written by an adoptive mom, talks all about the mother-child bond that only happens once and it starts before birth. Children after that have attachments. There is so much to the whole topic, really.

And to be honest the most benificial thing is social welfare programs for expectant mothers and homes for the hundreds of thousands of children taken by the foster care system. That is by far the best option IMO. I have never met a mother who wanted to surrender her child, ever.

[N]

Oh boy. This topic pops up everywhere....

Am I the only firstmom on the planet who is okay with adoptive breastfeeding? Because I sure feel like it right now.

My daughter's amom breastfed her. She didn't discuss it with me before hand, either... I just went for the first visit, and OH WOW, HEY, she's BREASTFEEDING.

It felt like a kick in the stomach. I felt like something special that only I could provide had been taken from me. I hadn't known adoptive bfeeding was possible, and in the same moment I learned it was possible, I was watching another woman do it for MY child. I felt nauseous... hurt, disposable, and betrayed.

Then I got over myself. I listened as Y explained the process (she actually did not use chemicals or hormones, but I'm not opposed to them being used). When my dad asked her why she went to all the trouble, I heard her say "Well because breastmilk is best for babies... yes, I have to supplement with formula, and yeah, the bonding is nice, but it's not really worth it for the bonding part--it's the nutrition." And I looked in her face and knew she meant it. This wasn't about trying to pretend she'd given birth, it wasn't about diminishing my role, it wasn't anything like that. It was about giving our daughter the best nutrition available.

Would it have been nice to have had some warning of it? Yeah. And I think that adoptive moms who KNOW that it could be an issue for bio moms need to discuss it with them, during the match-making stage: because honestly, I know a lot of bio moms for whom this is a "deal breaker" (as in, they WILL NOT choose an adoptive family in which the amom is planning to breastfeed).

But you know... I don't hold it against Y that she didn't talk to me about it. Because I think she just never imagined it would be an issue for me. I think she thought that 1. this was her decision, as she was the parent (true); and 2. I'd be mature enough to be HAPPY that my daughter was getting good nutrition.

All right, so maybe she was a little naive in not discussing it with me... but in the end, it worked out. Mostly because, while my initial reaction WAS very self-centered, I got over it and thought about what the best nutrition was for Moonbeam.

Now... if Moonbeam tells me, when she's grown up, that she hates that Y breastfed her, then I'll reconsider my stance on adoptive breastfeeding. But I really think that won't be the case. I think if it's done in the right spirit--not trying to "pretend" the child is a bio child or anything--then that will show up in other interactions Moonbeam has with her mom, and I think she'll be okay with it... that she'll think, like me, that it was just something Y did to give her good nutrition early in life.

And now, I will duck as the tomatos from some fellow firstmoms fly at me. =) LOL.

[kim.kim]

N, I would never be mean to you for saying this. I think it's awful that the ad-mum breastfed your child in front of you, that you were never consulted or told or asked before the adoption was finalized. That you felt upset and hurt by seeing that, I'm sorry you had to experience that. For me, and I am not speaking for you, after being told for a long time that my feelings don't matter, I started to believe that. My belief system is changing now, my feelings do matter and had I known that then I wouldn't have lost my daughter. I think the most important thing in this situation or any adoption situation is respect for the natural mother and to be sensitive to her feelings. What harm can come from being kind and respectful? Only good can come from that. I appreciate the other kind comments here and for the kindness Afrindie mum has shown me through our e-mails. Further I want to now step away from this and leave it alone.

[E.]

This is really a rich discussion, and I am getting the chance to think about breastfeeding and adoption from perspectives I've never thought of before. Thanks to all who have contributed.

As a mother of one who breastfed my son 'til he was two and a half, when he weaned himself, I am very convinced of the nutritional and bonding advantanges of breastfeeding. According to the research I've done, breastmilk is simply better for babies than formula, far and away, hands-down. It seems to me that if a mom (any mom, adoptive or otherwise) can breastfeed, she should. Formula is much less "natural" than breastmilk induced by suplemental hormones. Moreover, the fact that an adoptive mom's breastmilk will smell different than a baby's firstmom's is not a reason not to breastfeed that child. The adoptive mom will smell different than the firstmom in every way, and that baby will still need to bond with its adoptive mom.

Nutrition is foremost, clearly, but why is there a sense that adoptive moms shouldn't breastfeed for the bonding aspects, as well? Adoptive moms must bond with their babies, and why is breastfeeding not a valid way to do that? I can understand why some women would have visceral negative reactions to the idea of a woman breastfeeding a baby she didn't give birth to, but just because some people react "ugh. gross." or "ugh. wrong." to something the first time we hear about it doesn't mean it is wrong. I know people who once thought that a woman being romantically involved with a woman (or a man with a man) was "unnatural" or "just wrong," but changed their mind after some education and thinking. Instinct is important, but so is reason and research.

I agree with kimkim and others that pregnant women who are considering adoption should not be asked to go through with the adoption 'til after the baby is born and they have some time to think about it. And this is hard for folks who want to adopt, because the hours and days after a birth, emotions are high and a woman is apt to feel more strongly for this present baby than she baby within her belly. But those feelings are real, and women should have the chance to explore them.

At the same time, once a baby is adopted, then the adoptive mom and dad have every right to bond with the baby in all the ways they think are best for the baby.

[N]

Well, for me, it's not that I think the bonding aspect of breastfeeding is an invalid reason to do it.... It's just that I WOULD question (note: question, not assume) WHY the amom was going through all the trouble if there were NO nutritional benefit and it was all about bonding... because there are other ways to bond. If an amom wanted to breastfeed SIMPLY for the bonding, I'd have to wonder if it was more about "trying to be the bio mom" or something. I mean... it's just really a lot of work to go through for something that is ultimately unnecessary. (Plenty of bottle-fed kids bond with their parents JUST fine.)

That's all I'm saying.

Kim, don't know if you're reading anymore, but I wanted to say this to you: I do totally understand where you are coming from. Believe me, if I felt Y was trying to "silence me" or "replace me" or something, I'd have a HUGE issue with the fact that she breastfed Moonbeam. But I know our relationship... I know that is not the case, so I know her breastfeeding had nothing to do with those things. I know she just wanted the nutrition for Moonbeam. Did it take some getting used to? Yeah. Did I still feel upset and betrayed? Yeah. But in the long run, I got over it, because she has proved to me over and over that she DOES respect me and value my place in Moonbeam's life and acknowledges that I am also Moonbeam's mother. If that weren't the case, then yeah, I'd HATE that she breastfed.

I do understand the initial reaction... I understand why many firstmoms don't like adoptive breastfeeding... and I think adoptive parents who are aware of that NEED to bring this issue up pre-matching. But I also think when there is a good relationship between amom and bio mom, when the amom truly respects and values the bio mom, that it's possible to overcome that initial "ick" or "how degrading to me" reaction that we feel.

JMO.

[Christine]

Just saying hidey ho! I'm also an adoptive breastfeeder, and have breastfed foster babies, as well!

[lisa]

Kristen Jean worded my views better than I could. My family adopted my youngest sister when she was an infant and I was 12 years old. Seeing my mom breastfeed my youngest sister would have been psychologically damaging, and I doubt I would have had children myself, but I've given birth and breastfed both of my children, and the thought of being a drug-induced wet nurse to an adopted child just sounds wrong, sorry.

Most wet-nurses have recently given birth themselves, so the lactation is natural. Besides, it's not as though we live in the dark ages, formula has come a long way and is very healthy. Your drugged-out hormone method sounds dangerous. Just my 2 cents.

[mamamarta]

lisa, your 2cents are profoundly offensive.

[Cat]

Hi there,

I just wanted to say to KristenJean that not only high classes' children were brastfed by other women.

My mom is now 47 years old. My grandparents were poor, war in Spain had recently ended and less than a year before my mom was born my granny found herself pregnant again. She gave birth to my mom's brother and then she found she couldn't breastfeed the two children, so my mom had a wet mom. A neighbour that was gonna stop lactating her child because it was older (like 3 years old). So she still had milk and decided she woul help my granny. They were poor and still had that done. My mom never had a trauma about anything, she always says nice things about her wet mom and she know she got the best nutrition possible.

Unfortunately my mom never had enough milk to breastfeed me or my brother, and I've developed a very weak inmunity system that resulted in minor surgery at age 2 because of a huge tonsils infection - a permanent one that almost killed me. I recently developed intolerance to cow milk, I always had headaches, colds, faringitis. My brother developed allergies to cellullose and formula, he had to be fed with a special vegetal formula (a very expensive one).

Now I'm not saying that we're like that because my mom couldn't breastfeed us, but I'm quite sure it doesn't help. I don't care what anybody say, the day I get pregnant I want to give birth standing or in water (I won't lie down for some doctor's convenience) and if I don't have milk supply I will do whatever is necessary to breastfeed.

[Tracy]

Wow! What a wonderful thing. As for the "unnatural" nature of it, what the heck is formula? For the poster that was concerned that the baby would just "know" that it's not his or her biological mother's milk, what is that baby going to think about a plastic bottle with....formula in it? There is nothing natural about formula.

I dunno. Even medicinally induced, human milk seems to be the better option than overly processed formula that can't come close to the immune factors and living cells in human milk, however produced. Once you're lactating, you're making the same milk as any other lactating mother. Getting it, of course, is the problem because only someone with supreme dedication could even induce lactation like that. So you go, girl. I'm absolutely inspired.

[erinberry]

lisa, if seeing your mother breastfeeding would have resulted in you being psychologically unable to have children, you're one mentally fragile individual.

I am baffled by the negativity afrindiemum has been subjected to here. I have learned a lot in the past several months, since making the decision to adopt. I am very concerned about coersion of pregnant women and believe they should have plenty of opportunity to change their mind before an adoption is final. I want my child to have all the information she can possibly have about her birth family. I will do everything I can to make sure she learns about her birth culture and has positive experiences with adults with her racial background. In other words, I'm not one of these adoptive parents who thinks I'm rescuing a child or who thinks the lower income classes exist to provide us middle-class American infertiles with babies. But I will NOT raise my child constantly thinking of that child as "another woman's baby" as kim-kim seems to be a proponent of. That child will be mine, like it or not. And I will raise her to have nothing but love and respect for her birth parents, but she will be MY child. I am truly sorry that kim-kim was coerced into adoption and wish that never happened to her. But I resent her implications that I'm some sort of predator for adopting a child.

I agree strongly with the poster who asked whether perhaps there was a more productive and worthwhile thing to fight a battle over, instead of getting up in arms about someone's choice to breastfeed.

I will not be breastfeeding mainly because of a medication I take, but none of my reasons include "unnatural-ness" or that it is somehow "wrong." Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this country trying to decide for others what is "natural" and "right." Think adoptive breastfeeding is "icky"? Then don't do it.

KristenJean's comments also burned me up - that if you don't find yourself pregnant, then you're just not meant to be pregnant and should just forget about it. How completely obnoxious and easy to say when you've never experienced infertility.

[Lorri]

I'm happily nursing my 2nd (bio) child. I'm sending out my best wishes & milk vibes (can you feel them?) to you! :) Way to go Mom!!

BTW, I love the tutorial -- very helpful.

[Cookie]

Wow, as if you didn't get enough comments already on this subject!

Pretty much with Kim on this one as unpopular as her view seemed to be. Now, I like Afrindie Mum too, she sounds like a very enlightened cool person.

And I won't throw stones at her for doing what she thinks is best for her child. She does sound as though she's done lots of research on this issue.

But, I just can't get past the unnaturalness of the idea of an adoptive mom breastfeeding. I was amazed to read all the extensive justifications by adoptive moms who used all sorts of historical stuff to justify and make it seem "natural". It is a gut feeling, can't get past. Just because something has some history to it, doesn't justify it and mean that it is "right" or natural. Closed adoptions have lots of history too - doesn't mean that they are "right" or "natural".

Kim's right - it is a fact that it is not natural. If it were natural, then it wouldn't take all that work, drugs, etc. to do it. Just because someone there is historical precedence for it, doesn't mean it is natural. Plenty of things aren't natural though, some I am okay with, some not.

As for N's daughter's adoptive mom surprising her as she did, I can't even imagine how awful that would be. And I cannot justify that behavior.

I don't care that much though really about this issue - there's plenty more than I do consider way more significant in adoption (like coercion. Do wonder if having an amom preparing and ready to breastfeed might not create additional possible pressure? I mean what would an amom do if the mother does back out and she's all prepared to breastfeed?

I am very glad though that Afrindie "gets" so many of the issue that birth moms consider important.

[Tracy]

I cannot, for the life of me, wrap my mind around the various people who have expressed hangups about adoptive breastfeeding being "unnatural." What's the alternative to this "unnatural" adoptive breastfeeding? Formula! And who in their right mind thinks formula is more "natural" than human milk, however produced? If "natural" is the goal, then certainly adoptive breastfeeding is far more natural than adoption and formula, which is the only other alternative anybody in an adoptive position would have. Unless you're arguing for the abolition of adoption.

The only thing natural about formula is the fact that at one time, long ago in its processed life, it came out of a cow's breast. From there, it went through all kinds of processing, drying, additives (from all kinds of interesting chemical sources) to get something in roughly the same macronutrient proportions as human milk. And if you think that's more natural for a baby to drink than the milk that comes out of a human breast, then I really can't help you.

Human milk, hormonally induced by the same hormones that make bio moms lactate, resulting in the same milk that all humans make, is far more natural from ANY human than formula, manufactured from cow's milk and processed into something sort of like what it should be.

An adoptive mom would even make milk more naturally tailored to her baby than even the bio mom if she were pumping and sending the milk. The immune factors in human milk (a huge part of the advantage of breastfeeding--formula is completely devoid of this whole initial immune system for babies--it's a sterile, dead substance) are tied to the signals the baby gives to the breast it's suckling on, and the mom makes antibodies in the same environment as the baby. Maybe they wouldn't share the same DNA, but an adoptive mom breastfeeding her baby is making milk even more ideal for her baby than even a pumping bio mom who doesn't interact with the baby. If that's not unique and essentially the most naturally parental thing an adoptive mom can do, then I don't know what is.

Among all the things that have to happen in order for an adoption to take place, adoptive breastfeeding sounds to me about the closest to natural one could possibly get.

[Away2Me]

I have all the goodies, all the domp pills, breast pump, handy dandy pumping bra, milk storage cube trays, herbs, lact-aid,you name it I got it. I've got everything you need, everything but the courage to try this again. After two failed matches and all the work that goes into inducing lactation, I just don't know if I can get started this time around, until the baby is home. Good luck to you. One tip, when you start pumping, use olive oil on your nips. It works better than anything else! I swear.