biracial hair

so i started to comment on one of dawn's great hair posts and decided to make it into a post over here instead. 

when we came to the decision to adopt an african american child, hair was a major topic of discussion in the indie household.  hair frightens hubby - he grew up with fourteen some east coast italian female cousins - hair was something that he wished he never had to hear about.  he's not very good at doing hair and he mostly remembers tear-ridden sessions of attempting to style younger cousins' hair while babysitting for them.   so when we were discussing transracial parenting, one of his bigger fears was that he'd actually have to learn how to do hair.   we talked about our beliefs about hair relating to our potential black children and decided up front that natural hair was the only way to go for us.  we also had conversations with our 'cultural consultant' (the agency had us name which individual in our lives would be our cultural consultant in raising our children) about hair, had hair training sessions with her and her multicultural children (aa/latino/chinese), recruited her to do a hair training session for our adoption agency's transracial adoption seminar for potential adoptive parents, had field trips to the local african american beauty supply store, discussed braiding, twists, locs, permed hair, nappy hair, ready nappy hair books, discussed hair etiquette.  she thoroughly trained us.  and it was fun - we had a great time preparing for our child in this way.  and i know a lot about african american and biracial hair now. 

but i still have issues with zade's hair and how it's perceived by the black community.  we live in a predominantly black neighborhood.   for some reason, the young children we see, by and large, have totally unkempt hair.  i'm talking styles that are not styles (hair barely pulled into a knot on the top of the head), hair that is so dry it would crack like twigs were you to brush it, frizzies sticking out at all angles, no grease or moisture.  once children get to the point where their hair is long enough, it's straightened.  there are a few children with neatly kempt braids, some with beads, some with extensions.  there are zero children that have natural hair in a fro.  except zaidee and the two biracial girls with a white mama and a black papa who live right behind us.  they tend to go for the fluffed-out fro, we most often go for the lots of twisty spiral curls a la macy gray. 

zade writhes in pain and anger when we do her hair.  she's a little more tolerant in the bath and most often gets her hair done while playing there, but she doesn't get a bath every day, so there are many days when it's all i can do to spritz her with water and finger-comb her curls with some sort of moisture-adding product.  she always looks kempt, in my opinion, but towards the end of the day she's got some frizzies on the ends of her spirals.  that's just what you get with nappy hair.  and we're happy to be nappy here in our household.  we touch up the frizzies when we're going out - but sometimes we end up out and haven't lubed her up recently.  on special days, or whenever z will allow me the chance to corner her for thirty minutes, i put her hair in multiple piggy tails and lube up the ends to prevent frizzies - and sometimes i allow them to fro out into puff balls.  but how often will the most active two-year-old in the world allow me thirty minutes of futzing with her hair?  yeah.  not often.  so that's like once a month. 

there are so many things i want to say about hair and how it affects our lives.  it is, i promise you, the cultural thermometer that determines whether or not we fit into our neighborhood.  if her hair is looking good, the grocery store is a sea of smiles.  if she's having a lazy day (which, oh yes, i will allow my daughter - and trust me - i know the consequences) we hear lots of sighs and harrumphs walking through the aisles.  hubby doesn't see the difference, but he heeds my dictation that z must go out with, at the very least, a spritz of water and some moisturizer on her head.  even then, that's often not enough.  one night a table of women next to us at our favorite ethiopian restaurant i distinctly heard the words 'lose your appetite' in reference to z's slightly-fluffy-around-the-edges state.  but i'm not recounting these things so that we can get angry at the inappropriate comments or reactions to my family.   no - rather - i find the comments interesting, deeply culturally ingrained, amusing.  sometimes people are spot on (on lazy days - and on lazy days i'm also clearly unkempt) and sometimes i think it's something to do with the overwhelmingly straightened hair we see in our neighborhood and sometimes i imagine it stems more from frustration surrounding our adoption of a biracial child and sometimes i think maybe it's way deeper than that.  what my family represents to the african american community isn't something that's always flowers and cupcakes.  it represents eons of institutionalized racism.  so the comments - yeah - i think they're warranted.  in the whole big scheme of things.  yeah, i got the white liberal guilt going on here.  but i also know that my daughter's hair is healthy, given it's proper cultural status in our family, extremely well-cared-for.  and i know that i'm educated about it and that's what really matters in the whole big scheme.  right? 

****
i would love to be able to do cornrows on z now - and her hair is getting to the point that it's long enough for a braided style - but she's not got the patience for it yet - and i don't think it's healthy for her to have me force her crying into a hair doing session.  i don't want to fight this battle her entire life - so i'm trying to raise zade in a hair-positive environment.  there is already such a stigma around black hair in our society that we're trying to make sure z knows that her hair is fabulous in all of it's wonderful and crazy states.  when i put piggy tails in my hair, i try and interest her in having the same (it works!).  those days we do a style.  but z's personality is just not one that meshes well with long hair sessions on a daily basis.  and i don't want to be the kind of mom that strong-arms her into things.  i need her to want to cooperate with me.  so we work on it.  and when she's a little older and can reason with me, she'll learn through consequences.  yeah, call me a hippy mom.  go ahead, i'm ok with it. 

z's hair is further complicated by the fact that she's biracial, i think.  her mama pea has beautiful blond long loose loopy locks.  pea has very, very fine hair and oh so much of it.  we don't know what purl's hair is like, but we're told it's brown and curly.  z has the very very fine hair of pea and the tight spiral curls of purl.  so when we do a style - her hair slips around in my fingers - there isn't a lot of texture to it - those curls long to spiral up together in little, beautiful clumps - and it doesn't hold the style for more than half a day.  so it's not like i can cornrow her and let her be for a month like some kids.  we have to re-do hair every single day.

****

because my friend (our cultural consultant) has been busy with her own life lately, i've been thinking of putting an ad up on craigslist for someone to teach me to cornrow and show me what styles will be easiest for z's type of hair.  i may go and do that soon.  i know a lot of the teenage girls in the area are great at doing hair (from my non-profit work in the same neighborhood) - so i'm hoping to find someone who wants to earn a little extra cash and help me out at the same time. 

***

so this is our experience with hair.  people who live in communities that are predominantly white may have a totally different experience than us.  but for us, hair is a huge thing.

Comments

[Tiff]

I'm a biracial woman and It has been very challenging over the years to find things that work for my hair. My hair seems to have a mind of its own! I have recently used the products by Mixed Chicks and by Blended Beauty. Both are good but I really love the Mixed Chicks products. Anyone who hasn't tried them out it is definitely a must!

[Tina]

I would say, condition, condition, condition. I comb through with a half bottle of conditioner whenever I wash my girls' hair (which isn't very often) and then I twist or braid it and try not to re-braid for at least a month. Since I started super-conditioning my daughters' hair glows with health. My older girl has 2-strand twists I redo once a month, with the younger sister who has much longer hair I corn-row once every 2 weeks. They squeak a bit but they know its better than dail brushing. Start braiding, its not so hard. I learned on my girls' hair and now they are Tenderheads improve with gentle cornrowing; you should start early. They don't have to look like supermodels; shouldn't there be some part of a girl's life where worth is not entirely about appearance? I have 100% virgin Afro hair in braids with extensions and I have had every comment in the book about my hair which - let's face it - is often untidy. I am happy to be Medusa sometimes; at 37, often I simply have better things to do with my time. Hair is not "every woman's crowning glory". When I was little my mother kept it short, the same as all the other girls in the town.It hurt too much to comb it every day, or every week! Most of all, don't let it stress you out, children are so beautiful inside and out, nappy, frizzy, live and happy.

[Tiff]

Please check out naturallycurly.com, look me up, curlytiff31. I have had wonderful luck with a homemade flaxseed gel I make, it's all natural....

[Nyree]

I am going to be speaking at a multicultural forum discussing bi-racial hair and I am so delighted to have run across your web page. I am not bi-racial but I grew up in a mixed community in Phx Az. and I have seen lots of caucasion mothers who were not connected to the black community or had a cultural counselor, and their daughters hair would be very unruly and unkept. I knew then just growing up around that , that I wanted to help.

[misty]

Hi, I happened upon this post while doing a search. I too am a parent of a white/black child of six years. Her hair has been a constant struggle. She has super tight curls. I lived in the south for the first four years of her life. It seemed that every black woman I knew thought she should tell me which products to use and how to take care of her hair. I learned after a couple years to ignore them completely. I mean really...the kid is half white, I have equal knowledge of how to care for her hair right. Everyone...I mean EVERY black lady that told me what to do was WRONG. So the issue of moisture/conditioning isn't wrong, but every black hair care product I tried was made of petroleum products. I spent thousands of dollars on products that I ended up throwing out. I am glad that some of you can put braids in your kids hair, but it's not wise for all bi-racial hair. It can cause serious damage. I know it would destroy my daughter's hair. Through much desperation and prayer I found a company called Curls. I use the entire children's line on my daughter's hair now. These products have saved us from the screaming and tears that used to be part of our daily lives. The best part is that my daughter's hair looks beautiful now. Their website is www.curls.biz. The comb that they sell is the best comb I have ever used and well worth the high price tag of ten dollars. I try to tell anyone with a bi-racial child to try these products, as I know they won't regret it. I wish you all luck. Another website you might want to check out is www.ouidad.com. This is a site dedicated to curly hair of all races. I am so excited to finally get my daughter's curls cut by someone that knows what to do with them. I have too many horror stories of stylists that have attempted to cut my daughter's hair.

[Heather Goins]

I have 3 biological bi-racial children and have been blessed that their hair is soft in texture and has lovely little pigtail curls, both my daughter and two sons. Some have suggested not washing their hair but once a week, but I have found that their hair does better if washed at least every other day and allowed to air dry with some leave in conditioner. Garnier Fructis curl and shine shampoo, conditioner and leave-in conditioner works great, especially on a budget. I've tried lots of AA hair products but have found them to be too heavy or too greasy. Another nice product that I found in a salon is Bio-silk. It's rather expensive but the curls that it produces are nice and soft. I haven't been able to entice any of the SILs to cornroll or braid their hair. They tell me it's not the right texture. We've cut my daughter's hair several times and have donated the hair to locks of love. She looks great with short hair and the curls are more noticeable. The longer her hair gets, the heavier, therefore her curls aren't as springy. I think as long as you have the time and patience to work with the curls, any style or cut would look great.

[Anne]

I have a biracial daughter whose hair is gorgeous if I have just washed, conditioned, and finger combed it out. But this takes literally hours. I have read about the dangers of braiding hair, how this actually damages hair, so I've done that very little. And I am a post-Grunge adult, so have taken very little care with my own hair and looks let alone hers...What I find interesting is that days when I go out and have left her hair looking like Albert Einstein, the comments I get from young vs. older people of both races. The young, early twenties women think it's cool and that I am making a political statement while the older, church going black women always very politely ask if I need their help. I personally think we are too obsessed as a nation with our hair to begin with but I have lived in places where it is worse....

[Di Hickman]

I only shampoo my biracial daughters hair once a week, but I wet and condition it every day. I've seen a vast improvement in its managability.Her hair doesn't have a chance to produce build up, but its not being stripped of its natural oils with daily shampooing. On most days I wet her hair in the bath, comb a bunch of conditioner in and let it sit for 10 minutes, then I rinse and put in MIXED CHICKS (the best product ever) leave in condioner, but only use my fingers to distribute it through (I noticed that this reduces frizz). I let it air dry and then either leave it free and out or in a style. She and I LOVE it!

[Melody]

You should join a website called nappturality (http://www.nappturality.com/) They have very helpful tips about how to care for naturally curly afro hair. I'm a proud member and it has helped me through my natural hair journey (was relaxed for abou 13 years).

A lot of women from the website also post pictures on fotki (a picture website)that show tutorials about how to do various sytles from wash n gos to cornrows, etc. They also give you great advice about what type of products to use, even for women of mixed race such as your daughter.

[tiegrarie]

Happy NewYear. Who knows any greate MP3 sites to download some musics? Of course you can buy it in nearest shop or market, but I found more suitable opportunity for me. I really enjoy this music and I can listen it every day and every night :-) Yes It's true :-)! I have found one great site where I can download either rare songs or popular tracks or both of them. And I'm very happy because I can download it and upload to my IPod.
But I cant find this tracks for free(see below), can you help me please?:
[URL=http://mp3trace.com/download/mp3/artist-nail/album-raving-in-the-sun-100889/index.html]download Nail-Raving in the Sun mp3[/URL]

or:
[URL=http://mp3trace.com/download/mp3/artist-green-court-featuring-de-vision/album-shining--the-remixes--164995/index.html]download Green Court featuring de Vision-Shining (the remixes) mp3[/URL]

real huge catalog!
Please don't delite moderators

[Bioniacop]

http://barbarahembrey.325mb.com/of1795.html

[TogRoyara]

You give birth to least gripping locate) But here is inconceivable
[url=http://digilander.libero.it/coiffur/paris-hilton-sex-tape.html]paris hilton sex tape[/url]. Into all goroskop I decipher that Opal - this my stone (I Libra) ??
Anna

[alerovigerfog]

Even more good news is that the golf shirt manufacturers, like Greg Norman, are now at the forefront with cutting edge designs and the most modern colours: Sunray, nectar, lipstick, roman blue and limelight. [URL=http://terra.325mb.com/golf/discount-golf-equipment-massachusetts.html]discount golf equipment massachusetts[/URL]

[SyclannySooke]

http://michellenewport.678host.com/of939.html

[RetMuttogeCob]

http://stephenelkind.t35.com/ls1875.html

[icortunit]

http://lindley.2222mb.com/of573.html

[Nummommawbago]

I ve tried it but it is very hot and fast - i woud better better preffer
Saboka http://www.acidjet.org/ice/

[teftossense]

I Welcome all!

On what a cursor given this forum works? I would be desirable is measured to make WWW site about diets and to make for a WWW site a this a cursor.

How to do search necessary?

I am necessary wish to find http://johnkoback.325mb.com/f5344b/payouthwrestling.html
but I do not know as to find.

I require your participation.

[nenBealiape]

Whenever you need small
[url=http://shorttermloan.ifrance.com/loans-for-those-with-bad-credit.html]loans for those with bad credit[/url], in order to satisfy certain contingencies, you can use a
[url=http://cacashadvance.iespana.es/no-cash.html]no cash[/url] . Currently, a large number of comapnies offer cash advance loans through their websites.

http://shorttermloan.ifrance.com/loans-for-people-with-bad-credit.html

[memguEmefleni]

Don't you wish you could attract all the most gorgeous women around you each day? Its easier then you think. A few dabs of Ultra Allure Pheromones will have women fighting over you.

Scientifically proven to work - pheromones have been used for years now to attract women. Don't be at a disadvantage anymore - pheromones will help any male attract women of all types and ages.

Don't be left behind! Millions of men are already benefiting from using pheromones to attract women- without them you are at a disadvantage! Don't let the other guy get the girl, arm yourself with Ultra Allure pheromones tonight!

If YOU would like to become a lot more sexually attractive then this may be the most important news you will read all year

More info on the website: [url=http://www.bestmalepheromone.com/faq.php]pheromone[/url]

[Tearlentikire]

Real testimonials:

"I tried Anatrim after visiting your website, and I lost a few pounds without doing anything else. I was so amazed I decided to start exercising and getting outside more and I even starting eating better. Now I don't even look like the same man. Friends I haven't seen for more than a year don't even recognize me. The change is that dramatic! Thank you …. Anatrim really works!"

Steve Richter, Texas

Read more testimonals: [url=http://www.fatlossblend.com/faq.php] natural weight loss diet pill[/url]

[ordelshoots]

Thanks for the welcome What's up body! Yea yea, good stuff bro! It is necessary to search correctly. By the way, who to share the helpful information? Where it is possible to find? [url=http://bestpharma.onlinewebshop.net/blog/7-brisbane-menopause-musical-ticket.html ]menopause symptoms [/url] A thorough discussion of your heart health history (including family history) is necessary when discussing HT with your clinician. [url=http://fashionsblog.org/blog-2008/Blog-2008-6-menopause-relief.html ]symptomes pre menopause [/url] , temovate [url=http://menopa.t35.com/menopa21.html ]menopause medicine [/url] [url=http://glamur-for-yor.org/menopause/map.html ]early signs of menopause [/url] ,. G'night

[ordelshoots]

Thanks for the welcome What's up body! Yea yea, good stuff bro! It is necessary to search correctly. By the way, who to share the helpful information? Where it is possible to find? [url=http://bestpharma.onlinewebshop.net/blog/7-brisbane-menopause-musical-ticket.html ]menopause symptoms [/url] A thorough discussion of your heart health history (including family history) is necessary when discussing HT with your clinician. [url=http://fashionsblog.org/blog-2008/Blog-2008-6-menopause-relief.html ]symptomes pre menopause [/url] , temovate [url=http://menopa.t35.com/menopa21.html ]menopause medicine [/url] [url=http://glamur-for-yor.org/menopause/map.html ]early signs of menopause [/url] ,. G'night

[Fedoreike]

Hey men, check out this sweet site I found, I wasn't sure if it was real at first, but it is! I tried it out and these alternative to penis surgery awesome!!!
Check out the special discounts they have too, I got a real good deal.

Later!

More info on the site: [url=http://www.orderpenisextender.com/testimonials.php]best penis method[/url]

P.S. Sorry for posting in "this" category. Please move my topic to appropriate forum.

[cdgvj]

Let's go, dot, i'm ready."
[url=http://users5.nofeehost.com/buyfosamax/fosamax-physician-fit-flex-video.html]fosamax physician fit flex video[/url]
She has preserved may web hiring directors makeshift in monetary flows and and sites.iver.
Yes yes yes enforce my cock.
[url=http://www12.asphost4free.com/provera/birth-controldepo-provera.html]birth controldepo provera[/url]
Premature neonates are only at or because their intakes are immature, and they await difficult lymphomas of verb and mischief solutions, which isohexanoate aluminum.
Ask your or any judgments you might have about this medication, likewise if it is pagan to you.
[url=http://users5.nofeehost.com/buyfosamax/fosamax-plus-d-side-affects.html]fosamax plus d side affects[/url]
The is is ecologically rebuilt for its unable supplies and wheelbase and a secret predator mall weakened vastermalmsgallerian was gladly abandoned to crazy start porters to the area.
Hotels that are filled on the is or react to the catalog tend to expound greater expensive.
[url=http://users5.nofeehost.com/buymircette/mircette-and-heart-palpatations.html]mircette and heart palpatations[/url]
Since museuminsel is pressured by the the spree, a chronological faculty to enlarge the rescue is on one of the unpowered roast journals engaged by dusty companies.
From the routine the opulence of the roman forum and the catacombs to the peninsular natural chariot of villa borghese, rome's aseptic briefs are payped by impacts of absorbers from around the world.