AfrIndie Mum

the news is...

hubby got the job!  i'm going to be a stay at home mama!  more soon - when the details are ironed out. 

things are looking good.

that's all i can say for now.  those of you in the know - know what i'm talking about.

bathtime buddies

i was going to let this go...

but.  i guess not, huh?  here are just a few final pieces that i feel i need to put out there to clarify any confusion you all may have about why i'm going to induce lactation and why i feel it's better for a baby than formula.  i'm going to use bullets in an attempt to make this easy to read. 

• first, i'm not doing this to 'pretend' that i gave birth to this baby.  i wouldn't ever want to pretend that i birthed this baby.  let alone the fact that it's going to be pretty damn obvious to everyone around me that i didn't birth this baby.  because he will be african american. 
  
  • i have no wish or desire to birth children, i've never tried.  most of you know this - a few don't.  i'm adopting because i want to - because it's what i feel is right for me and my family.  so there is absolutely no way that inducing lactation, for me, has anything to do with wanting to push aside my son's first mother.  as you all should know by now (and if you don't - go read my archives first) i want nothing more than to have my childrens' first parents very involved on a day to day basis in our lives.  i don't want them to disappear.  i don't want them hiding. and i don't want to do anything that would make them feel uncomfortable. 
• as i stated before - this will be something that is stated up front - in our family profile - so if a woman doesn't feel comfortable with me breastfeeding her child - she will be able to toss us to the side right away.  we will not enter into a relationship where both parties are not 100% comfortable and in the know.  as we've seen in the comments below, there are first moms who are vehemently opposed to this and first moms that support it.  lots of different opinions out there in the world on this one.  i respect everyone's opinion and can understand why people would feel differently.  but just because a few individuals feel one way about things - doesn't mean that all will.  so i think it's really important to recognize that. 
• this is way too much work (as N stated in the comments) for me to be doing solely for bonding.  sure - it's a great way to bond and i love that there is that fringe benefit.  but there is no way i'd be doing this if it was just for my benefit - it wouldn't be worth it. 
• nutritionally, as marta said, the studies show that induced breastmilk (yes, even with domperidone) is the exact same in composition to breastmilk from a woman that has given birth, three weeks postpartum.  according to the who, my breastmilk is better for a baby than formula (which, in this situation, are probably the only two options).  the woman that conducted these studies is an IBCLC, a current doctoral learner with about 2 years left until she can publish her research and her site (www.asklenore.com) has two medical doctors who specialize in breastfeeding as consultants as well as a second long-term IBCLC.  in my opinion, she knows her stuff.  all of this stuff was said previously by mamamarta, but i wanted those who hadn't read the comments to also see this information. 
• prior to doing this - i did all of the research on domperidone.  i looked at both the pros and the cons and researched everything extensively.  i could give you my piles of paperwork if you'd like, but i'm sure you're not that invested in this.  domperidone is not FDA approved for political reasons.  nothing more.  multiple other countries have approved this drug for breastfeeding women to help boost milk supply.  my personal physician PRESCRIBED these medications for me and is monitoring me throughout this process and approves of both inducing lactation and adoptive breastfeeding.  my daughter's pediatrician was ecstatic that she was receiving even a few drops of breastmilk.  she's a very 'natural' pediatrician.  she was born, raised, and trained in India and has a background in ayuervedic medicine.  she prefers 'natural' remedies to chemical.  and she supports my inducing lactation and adoptive breastfeeding.  frankly, i'm not one to believe the FDA always has our best interests at heart.  i believe that they, just like any other governmental organization in this country related to health, are too deeply influenced by prescription companies to truly approve drugs based on whether or not they're beneficial to the population they're supposed to be protecting.  after researching it, i strongly believe this drug is not being approved purely for bureaucratic bullshit reasons.  this drug, as opposed to the drug that IS FDA approved, reglan, doesn't have any of the horrific side effects on breastfeeding women or babies.  reglan, the drug that the fda wants to be prescribed for women with a low milk supply, can cause very serious depression in women, mood swings, etc. that can last long after a patient has weaned from the drug.  dom, on the other hand, is significantly more safe. 
• studies have shown that dom is a safe (L1) drug for breastfeeding moms.  i understand if you're a person that doesn't like to take medications.  i'm pretty pill/drug-phobic myself.  my family eats almost exclusively organic food.  we like all-natural remedies instead of chemical remedies.  but my induced breastmilk isn't chemical-laden.  yes - it's chemically induced.  and some women, during the course of time, are able to eliminate the domperidone altogether.  but even if i have to take it the entire time i'm breastfeeding, i will.  it's still better for a baby than the chemical-laden formula.  that, in my opinion, is much more 'artificial' and 'unnatural'. 
• as for the feeling that adoptive breastfeeding is predatory - well - i just don't get that.  maybe it stems from the fact that, in the u.s., breasts have been so sexualized that people get the idea that putting a baby that is not mine biologically to my breast is 'abusive'?  i don't know - i don't understand that feeling at all.  but i'd love for jasai to clarify more on why she feels that way.  because if my breastfeeding is predatory for that reason, then everyone's is.  but, frankly, breasts are meant for feeding.  in that they are also an erogenous zone seems completely arbitrary to me in this conversation.  and i'm feeling a little offended by that comment (nothing against you, jasai, i just can't see where that came from).  care to elaborate? 
• kristenjean - if you haven't already - go back and take a look at my archives.  i'm with you on your points about adoption reform in the way of social service programs for women with unplanned pregnancies.  i don't yet know where i stand on the 'primal wound' theory, but i do believe that separating a child from their biological mother does have a profound affect on the child, whether visible or not.  but i also believe that some domestic infant adoptions are truly necessary.  take a look at the recent post by shannon at peter's cross station.  this captures where i'm coming from on this front.  our daughter's adoption is similar in nature to nat's.  so - all that considered - i'm with you.  but in my opinion this topic is more about whether my breastmilk is better (or even ok) for an adopted baby, as opposed to formula.  and i think the research shows that it is.  additionally, just as pregnancy and birth has gone through 'medicalization' as you mention, so had breastfeeding.  ergo, formula.  no, i don't want to revert to the days where the wealthy had wet nurses for convenience.  but i do feel like it's a very natural thing.  hell - if my friends were lactating and decided to breastfeed my daughter, i'd be fine with that, too.  in my opinion, it's no different than them putting a bottle in her mouth.  it's just food.  the healthiest food that will be available to my child. 
• as for the health factors, i mentioned above that my daughter's pediatrician loved that i was breastfeeding zade.  see - for zade - because society didn't support my breastfeeding of my daughter (my job, the length of maternity leave i was allowed versus what my job requested i take, the amount of time i would have needed to spend pumping, etc. i could go on forever with reasons why it wasn't a supportive environment) we had no choice but to eventually switch full-time to formula.  it was absolutely, for my daughter, not in her best interest.  she has a very sensitive system.  her body did not take well to formula.  she has horrible eczema that will, if left unattended, overtake her entire body.  when she was breastfeeding, her eczema flare ups were significantly less frequent than they were with the formula.  we had to try multiple different formulas until we found one that agreed with her system.  and in the end, it was also one of the most expensive formulas.  hmmm - i wonder if there's a reason behind that?  she still has horrible eczema.  we cannot use soap on the majority of her skin.  we must put multiple creams and treatments on her body three to four times a day to keep her from being one big itchy scab.  when she was breastfeeding, her skin was clear.  she didn't get diaper rash.  she was a happy, sleepy babe.  but with the formula, things changed significantly.  so - i do truly believe that i'm doing this because it's what is best for my child. 

you may disagree.  and that's ok with me (right, **name removed out of respect for the individual mentioned**? ;). 

i think i'm officially a lactivist.  anyone have a good adoptive breastfeeding slogan i can put on a t-shirt?  come on - let's have a contest!!!

wanna share a recipe with me?

i'm bored and stuck at work for another two hours.  so to keep myself busy, i'm thinking about food.  i love food.  but i'm running out of good ideas for dinners lately.  so - i'll share one of our staple recipes here with you - and if you'd like - share one back.  a recipe exchange!  yay!

hubby's pomodoro (we use this sauce for everything from spaghetti and 'meatballs' to lasagne to pizza sauce to chicken parmesan)

Ingredients:

2 28-oz cans of Trader Joe's plum tomatoes without salt (open can and take scissors and chop them all up while they're inside the can)
4 cloves of minced garlic
2 medium or one large onion
sprinkling of fresh rosemary (dried is fine, too, just don't go overboard)
sprinkling of dried oregano (fresh is fine, too)
handful of chopped fresh parsley (dried is fine, too)
big handful of fresh, chopped basil
olive oil - a few glugs to coat bottom of pot

heat oil in a big soup pot.  chop the onion and garlic and add to the pan.  saute until soft, not brown.  add the tomatoes, oregano, rosemary and parsley and simmer for at least an hour on low.  taste the sauce and add salt and pepper to taste.  you will need to add more salt than you think.  when the sauce is ready to be taken off the heat (all the flavors will be intensified and melded together - you'll know when it's done) stir in the chopped basil. 

simple light marinara sauce! 

today's kitchen update

we've decided on the tile for the kitchen backsplash.  it will be this one:

and so you have a better idea of what it's going with - the countertops will look something like this, but more of a darker charcoal color:

so now - what color for the cabinets, trim and walls? 

adoptive breastfeeding tutorial

i'm doing it again.  the adoptive breastfeeding thing.  so i thought i'd walk you all through the process and give you a little insight into my pill popping world of late. 

first off, to breastfeed an adopted baby (or baby born via surrogate) you've got to prepare well in advance.  i should have started sooner, but i think i'm still fine.  basically, you can find information on the different ways to prepare to breastfeed on a website called ask lenore, as well as on a website called the adoptive breastfeeding resource website.  both are great places in terms of the information they provide, but both have their own feel to them.  the abrw has moderators that tend to lean toward the natural way of inducing lactation and ask lenore is a little more balanced, in my biased opinion.  both have message boards that are a great place to get your questions answered, but the abrw recently started charging a fee for the use of their boards, and the ask lenore boards are free of charge.  both also have multiple boards dealing with things like infertility, surrogacy, natural and medicated methods of inducing lactation and a host of other topics.  these sites are both good places to begin your research.  and research you must!  but i'll get into that a little more in-depth later. 

to induce lactation last time i used the Newman-Goldfarb protocols for Induced Lactation: The Guide for Maximizing Milk Supply.  i used the accelerated protocol to prepare for z, but this time around i'm using the regular protocol, since i have the time.  in other words - i go the completely medicated route.  i just don't have the persistence to stick with the natural route.  so to do this, here's what i have to do: 

1. take a birth control pill, either yasmin or microgestin continuously for six months.  this prevents me from having a period and makes my breasts prepare in a similar fashion to what happens during pregnancy.  they basically get at least a cup size larger and become painful.  what fun, right? 
2. the same day i start the birth control pill (i'm taking the yasmin) i begin taking 10 mg. of a drug called domperidone four times a day, twenty minutes before i eat.  domperidone is a stomach medication that is not fda approved.  but it's been well-researched in the breastfeeding community.  and the reason it's not approved is because there are other stomach medications out there that the fda feels do what domperidone would do and it is therefore unnecessary to approve dom.  anyhow - it's all bureaucracy.  to obtain domperidone, one must semi-illegally import it through a company called global drug, or get a prescription from your physician (like i did this time) and obtain it through one of the few compounding pharmacies in the u.s.  so it's legal, just not approved - get me?  and domperidone has the amazing side effect of telling your pituitary gland to lactate.  cool stuff, huh? 
3. a week after beginning things, i must up my dosage of domperidone to 10 mg. four times a day. 
4. i continue with everything for six months.
5. once the six months is up (for me, it will be august 7th) i stop the yasmin, continue on the domperidone and should have a period of massive proportions.  it's like what happens in a pregnant woman when the placenta is expelled.  again, fun, huh? 
6. i also start in with the breast pumping.  this stimulates my milk to come in, as if i had a baby breastfeeding at this time.  i've purchased, for a smoking good deal, a used hospital-grade medela lactina breastpump.  don't worry - this one is actually approved for multiple users - and is the exact model that my local lactation clinic uses.  it's hefty duty.  and lovely, don't you think?  you wanna know how many times i have to pump a day?  every three hours and once between the hours of 1:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m., as my prolactin levels will be highest at that point in the day.  yes, that means that i will be strapped to the blue monster at 8am, 11am, 2pm, 5pm, 8pm, 11pm, 2am, and then i get a break until i wake up again to pump at 8am. 
7. good news, though!  this means that i will begin getting breastmilk that can be stored in my freezer for up to 12 months.  so if nothing else, i will have a massive stock pile built up for coffee when you come visit me! 
8. and i must continue the domperidone throughout breastfeeding. 
9. i can also take herbs like blessed thistle and fenugreek (which makes me smell like curry, yum!) three times a day and eat oatmeal once a day to also help increase my milk supply. 

so - guess what the maximum amount of pills i will have to take per day will be?  just guess.  you'll never guess.  ok.  i must, at one point in this process, take twenty pills a day.  my god.  at this point, my gag reflex gets a little heightened, as i try to down six pills at once. 

in order to be able to logistically pump as much as i'll need it, i need to buy one of these.  or maybe i'll try making my own.  and then i can sit online and blog six times a day for fifteen to twenty minutes a day. 

once the baby is home, he will do most of the work of the breast pump (thank god) and i'll be able to significantly reduce my pumping time.  and all that saved-up frozen milk?  well - if you won't accept it in your coffee or tea - someone will have to use it.  so i guess it will be the baby.  and the way we'll use it is with one of these handy dandy thingys.  i put the milk in the bag, strap the tube to my breast, and plop my breast in the baby's mouth.  and ta da!  we have milk from the bag, milk from me, and the baby stimulating my milk supply to increase. 

with these protocols, it is expected that i'll be able to produce most of my child's milk needs.  the rest will come through the lact-aid from my frozen milk and if necessary, i'll supplement with an organic formula.  i know that sounds doubtful, but my friend certainly did it.  she was like a one-woman dairy farm on the regular protocol.  last time, i managed to pump quite a bit of milk, but because of multiple factors, z and i had to give up the breastfeeding just a few short months after we began.  this time, those factors won't get in our way, and i hope to breastfeed my son as long as he damn well pleases.  but no, he will not be allowed to as for my 'nu nus' or 'ta tas' or 'nuk nuks' or even 'bubbies'.  they are breasts.  when he wants to nurse, he'll have to ask to nurse.  or breastfeed.  or maybe he'll wean early.  who knows. 

now - how many of you are asking, 'why on earth is she doing this?'

sink and dishwasher installed

isn't it amazing?  i can go home, load up my cabinets, use both of my sinks and my new dishwasher.  i am in heaven.  all we need now is the counter tops and some paint.  whee!

go read this right now

shannon, at peter's cross station, says what i was trying to say in this post, as well as in this one, so much better in her post today.  go read it.  she's one smart woman.  this is why it's just not as easy as saying that domestic infant adoption should be eliminated.  there are far too many things that need to change before that can happen. 

the kitchen half-remodel

so you all remember the purchase of the monolith stove and refrigerator when we moved into our new home, right? 

well - they looked a little out of place - the huge stove and the giant fridge.  they needed something more.  so we decided that we'd do a kitchen half-remodel.  so.  that's what hubby's been working on the past week or so. 

first - he put cabinets between the stove and the refrigerator where there were none before.  he added, for my benefit, a cute little round sink and a fancy restaurant-style faucet that can be pulled out and used to put water into pasta pots on the stove.  i think it makes the appliances fit better and look a little more 'built-in'.  we still need a new hood or maybe another set of cabinets with a microwave that vents - but that will come much later.  photos below:

here's a link to the faucet we bought for the small sink.  if anyone wants one - we actually have two - just let me know :)

and then sunday he took out all of the bottom cabinets in the kitchen.  they were cute, but so so old.  the drawers would fall out if you pulled them out too far and stuck because of 100 plus years of paint.  so we're doing, as you can see, plain front natural maple cabinets.  very basic.  they will have stainless hardware on them once we decide on what we like.  and on top will be charcoal-colored counter tops.  we're looking to insert some glass tiles in the concrete and under light them and also integrate a granite cutting/pastry rolling board.  there will also be a big old under-mounted stainless steel sink with another great restaurant faucet.  and next to it a dishwasher.  finally - no more washing bottles by hand.  ugh.  here's an in-progress photo of that side of the kitchen:

and here's a photo of the big sink faucet: 

so finally - after the installation stuff is all done - we'll paint the upper cabinets a different color.  any suggestions?  i'm tired of the baby poop yellow and orange. 

oh.  and did i mention that hubby's doing this all by himself.  while z naps during the day?  yeah - he's insane.  the productivity level in our home will be going down significantly once i'm a sahm. 

and - a cute one of h and z sleeping - just because i can't resist.  yes, i know her teeth will rot and fall out if i let her sleep with a bottle.  shush.  we're working on it.