AfrIndie Mum

berry picking

berry stained fingers

making a basement sitting room

refinishing z's 'new' bed i bought for $15 off of craigslist


run against bush recycled t-shirt diaper

so i guess what i wanted to say was...

i shouldn't have highlighted the entire blog post.  but rather just the article to which i was referring.  sorry if i confused you.

but what i should have said but was too flabergasted and annoyed to do so was this:

isn't it awful how we all hate our bodies these days?  i mean, if seeing a breast performing it's function in life is offensive to even other women, then what hope do we have?  it's sad to me.  we have products that stop our bodies from emitting the toxins we daily put into it.  named just so we feel shameful enough about our sweat that we go out and buy the brand that will keep others from knowing that our bodies do what they're supposed to do.  and they market to us products that tell us 'you're dirty! clean yourself up and throw it away'.  we'll have you smelling like chemicals in no time.  because you know, a wash cloth and water wouldn't clean you properly.  so let's pollute you and the earth!  they sell us stuff to supposedly clean our internal organs.  and then when they've given us yeast infections from trying to cleanse away our dirt, our sin, they sell us stuff to take away the itch. 

so throw into that a society that has so sexualized breasts that a photo of a non-breast that is performing it's original function on the cover of a magazine geared towards mothers (yeah, those people who HAVE breasts and use them to FEED babies), it's no wonder we react with shock and outrage and shred the magazine so our husbands don't accidentally see a boob do it's job and in turn educate society about these issues.  it's no wonder our daughters grow up with eating disorders.  it's no wonder girls are sexually active earlier in life.  when we do such a good job of sexualizing the body and making it shameful all at once. 

i was always the skinny girl.  i've been 5'2" for the past ten years.  i was the little girl who all of my tall friends would carry around like a baby and treat like a child.  my father called me bones because i was so skinny that my bones were visible all over my body.  i was just a small kid.  i still had body image issues, though.   i remember them so well - that tense feeling i got when walking down the hall for fear that someone was looking at me. 

today i think i'm finally getting over my body issues.  yes, i have cellulite on my thighs.  i wear a size ten pants and have an enormous booty for my frame and a husband that loves it.  my boobs are now overflowing a size D cup.  i have a pudgy belly.  i don't want to have body issues anymore so i'm making myself get over them (though i'm sure they'll always be there in some form or another). 

and when i'm nursing our next child, i'm not going to hide in a corner and cover myself just so my kid can eat what's healthiest for him while protecting the sensitive eyes of the people at the next table.  if my veiny boob is exposed, tough.  hopefully my kids will grow up knowing that bodies are just bodies and breasts just breasts. 

oh, bite me you prudes. 

butt sweater

i made z this butt sweater out of an old marino wool jersey sweater.  it's been lanolized with liquid lanolin and we haven't had any leaks or complaints from z.  once used, i hang them up to dry and let them self-clean in the process.  by the time they're dry they smell like fresh wool again.  i'm loving the wool covers and am almost ready to give away her PUL covers.   

i've made so many other butt items for z recently but haven't gotten photos of them yet.  to come will be three recycled t-shirt diapers - all with fun slogans on the rear, snuggly organic cotton french terry diapers with stuffable organic cotton sherpa inserts, and more butt sweaters. 

thrilling, no?

adoptive breastfeeding

i'm so happy to see everyone talking about boobies.  just makes me fuzzy inside.  this needs to be shown to the world.  far too many people out there still don't get it. 

when i induced for z, i told a lot of people that i was going to breastfeed her, but i didn't say much more because i received some odd comments that weren't supportive.  surprisingly mostly from family.  i mentioned it in a couple of posts, but never really got any deeper into it until this time around.  and then the firestorm. 

the aap even recommends it.  it's good to see people speaking out. 

so you go mamas.  eat your oatmeal, drink your water, take your fenugreek and blessed thistle, sit back and have a beer (hops=good for lactating women). 

anyone up for late-night pumping chats? 

the fate of dear hubby's sperm

the following post has been pre-approved by the hubby for public consumption. 

dear sperm,
i've got nothing against you little guys, really i don't.  i just don't really agree with your life's purpose.  at least, not in regards to me personally.  i'm cool with you going off and getting someone else knocked up, but i beg of you, just not me.  i'll admit it, i'm frightened of you.  at least now while you're alive and swimming in hubby's body.  and sometimes it makes me want to eliminate you altogether.  so here's the deal.  just shut your eyes and don't read the rest of this post, ok?  and if you're good, maybe you'll have a second chance.  we'll see. 

********************************************

several years back, we lightheartedly promised my dear one's sperm to our close friends, a lesbian couple.  none of us had kids, and even though it was just in theory at the time, i think we all knew that the offer would always be on the table.  and there it remained for quite a while, with a mention of it here or there very casually. 

the other day, hubby went to his physician for an annual exam.  in the course of the exam he questioned the doctor about a vasectomy.  i guess it just kind of popped up into his head and he decided to delve deeper.  our theoretical conversations about vasectomies always ended with hubby having one someday.  and we've been certain for years that we'd build our family through adoption, so the theoretical became 'why not now'? all of the sudden.  moreso when hubby called me from work and told me he'd scheduled the appointment for next friday. 

wow.  yeah, my head was spinning.  so we talked about it a little bit and agreed that before we did anything, we'd need to back track and have the conversation first with our friend's who have sole claim on the sperm in this household.  we should have done this in the first place, but it just didn't happen that way.  and right now is really the worst time to bring this subject up with them.  their educational lives are very busy right now and they are in the process of moving to separate states while each pursues her own schooling.  their plans to start a family are still two years off, understandably so. 

so, anyway, i called them immediately.  i first let them know that we weren't trying to pressure them in any way and that we were comfortable with a number of options, including holding off on the snip snip until they were ready, if they wanted fresh sperm.  and really, we are. and they chatted about it (and will chat some more) and have some questions.  questions i surely can't answer.  but they're going to find a good doc soon and ask those questions.  like will my husband's history of high cholesterol  (and his mother's heart disease) be too much of an issue?  and does frozen sperm work as well as fresh?  and if so - how long will frozen sperm be as viable as fresh?  (if anyone knows about the fresh vs. frozen sperm, i'd love to hear). 

and we have questions that we've just started to explore.  like will brian be openly recognized as the sperm donor?  do we want that?  do they?  will the child know?  will it be ok when we are together to point out similarities between brian and the child?  we by no means feel any attachment to hubby's sperm or any subsequent babies.  no attachment other than loving my friends' child, really.  and they're a lot like family already - so i don't think it will make one bit of a difference in the way we feel about their child.  we will love theirs as they love ours. 

our couple friendship sprouted out of my friendship with one of the couple when we were nineteen and babies in san francisco together.  i know this might sound crazy to most (i know, mom, i know.) but for us, it's just another way people create families these days. and it's a hell of a lot cheaper than artificial insemination which around here runs five hundred bucks a pop.  and i think it's pretty cool.  so if they choose to use hubby's sperm we will be thrilled.  there is always the chance that husband's medical history may make them wary.  and in that case, we totally understand.  but if it works out, i think it will be pretty damn cool. 

felted soaker

well, i felted it too long in my new washing machine.  so here's what it looks like now.  still cute - but for a newborn not a toddler.  it's so tiny now. 

my first soaker

it says it's not supposed to be felted - but this would fit my butt - it's that big.  so i'm thinking i'm going to felt it.  anyone disagree?  it's made of cascade 220 100% wool and the leg ruffles are 100% alpaca that i got while visiting the alpaca farm.  they're really sweet animals.  i could totally see myself getting one and spinning my own yarn.  (alpaca is softer - and the pattern states that the ruffles are not there to prevent leaks).  next i'm going to knit some longies.  i'm thinking they'll have an alpaca/wool waistband (wool for strength and leaks and alpaca for softness against the skin), the diaper-area made of 100% wool and the legs out of 100% alpaca (for softness against z's psoriasis-ridden knees.  how does an almost two-year-old have psoriasis?) 

but cute, no?

i took my s-i-l to the airport today at 5 a.m. after a ten-day visit

here's the email thread that hubby and i just exchanged:
from hubby - 12:26 p.m. (our last visitor just left at 5 a.m.!)

My father invited us to Florida for X-mas. I told him we couldn't do it because we have been traveling too much.

from me - 12:55 p.m.

ok

from hubby - 12:57 p.m.

Do you want to go to Florida at X-mas? We might be able to split time between auntie b and him.

oh. my. god.  he's relentless.

*now, auntie b - don't get me wrong.  we loved having you - you've been a visitor of the best kind.  i just need six or twelve months to get us really, truly on schedule before we travel again.  ;)  i also need to get ready for z2**

**yes, i said z2.  we already have a name chosen, if it turns out to be a boy.  i know.  we're going to be one of those*** families now.  in my defense, it wasn't intentional.  it's the only boy name we both like.  but i'm not telling until we are actually naming said baby. 

***have i told you of hubby's family?  he actually has one of these families in his tree.  jack and june had jill, jocelyn, and jess, who had jacob and jack. my god. 

in other news, zade has taken to dancing on top of her potty - babylon style - whenever i play modest mouse for her.  it's very cute. 

and for those of you who know my reference - can you believe it's over?  i just saw the final season.  so sad.  and i want to be emmett.  i love him. 

my afternoon in photojournal, or something like that.

we all finally ran out of underwear. 

don't i look happy?

it was very exciting. 

it was 100 degrees.  can you see the sweat on my brow? 

yes, my hair is chicken feather yellow.  we're prepping for the pink.