i've decided that life is always going to be this busy.  we're traveling again at the end of next week, despite my having put a ban on all travel and all visitors.  z is growing, family is missing out on vital things like seeing her swim in her opa's pool, hearing her form her very first sentences ('mama, i want more yogurt and berries', which she says 'mama, iyant moah goguck ee bahdies').  so back we go to the midwest.  these trips are hard for me.  i miss my family, they drive me insane, i cringe upon entering my hometown and stay locked in a house for fear of seeing anything from my youth.  but i go anyways. 

life is just this busy.  sometimes i find it hard to see to the point when we'll be not-busy enough to think about submitting our profile and adopting a baby, let alone actually parenting another baby.  so we're still in limbo and i'm more ok with it now than i have been in the past.  our homestudy is being revised and will have the final stamp of approval on it within mere days i'm assuming.  from there - we wait until we're ready to submit our family profile.  it's done - just sitting in a dusty file on my hard drive.  currently at our agency it's a 2-6 month wait on average.  when we applied, it was a six to 18 month wait.  things have sped up significantly. 

on that same front, i'm supposed to have stopped my bc pills with this pack and begun pumping thousands of times a day.  but i'm afraid, so i'm still on the bc.  i'm afraid i'll fail and not nurse our second child and i really want to.  so i need to be a little closer to an adoption before i start pumping. 

i'm loving the cloth diapering and we're using cloth exclusively.  we're even traveling with them, so it'll be fun to report the comments i receive.  i've messed with some different versions of diapers made from recycled fabrics and have come up with what is my favorite, never leaks diaper.  additionally, since the new washing machine has arrived, i look forward to doing the diapers.  all i have to do is load it up and push two buttons to put it on the 'sanitize' cycle for diapers.  it's a three-hour long cycle yet more gentle and energy efficient than the longest cycle (which was about an hour) on our old machine.  those diapers come out sparkling.  it's very satisfying for some reason. 

we met new friends recently while attending the open swim at our local community center pool.  we were the only four white people in the pool, and we both had brown babies in our arms.  we were magnetically drawn to each other.  we've hung out a few times and have a lot in common.  we also live just a mere 8 blocks from each other.  how great is that?  their daughter is six months younger than z, super shy, and freaking adorable.  i struggle to keep my hands off her - but she's so darn cute.  she's a daddy's girl (he stays home with her) and cries when i hold her - but she sat on my lap voluntarily one time.  it's great to be able to chat race, adoption, hair care, fun comments from the hood, etc. with each other. 

on the fun comment front, we went about a year and a half with minimal (like one or two) funny/interesting/troubling comments on our little family.  lately since we moved (we now live in a predominantly black neighborhood) we've gotten some goodies.  i've been wanting to tell them, but don't really have a context except for 'interesting comments'.  so here they are:

while riding on the crowded bus home from the water park one day, z sitting in my lap, hubby next to us, an african american woman struck up a conversation with us by asking how old z was.  we told her.  she asked if she was spoiled, we said yes.  she asked if she was mine and i explained that she is our daughter, whom we adopted at 1 month of age.  she responded that 'someone needs to comb her hair'.  i didn't have a nice snappy response so instead mumbled something about how my child has more attention to her hair than any other i know and we were just coming home from an afternoon in the water. 

when we met our friends, above, a comment directed to z's new friend's mom from a little girl in the pool, 'is she black?'  the answer given was 'yes'.  and in response the little girl questions, 'are you mixed?' (she's pale-skinned with reddish-brown hair). 

from our african american neighbors to hubby, 'does z get to see her mom much?'.  hubby responded that, no, she doesn't (understanding that she was referring to z's biological mother).  neighbor responds, 'oh, i thought i saw her the other day', referring we're certain to one of our friends (who has a very multicultural family) who had visited the day before.  hubby corrected her assumptions and explained how we came to be z's parents.  because whenever brian has z out front playing, i'm always looking out the window or the front door and telling him to watch 'his' child.  i know i shouldn't use that term at all - but it's just a bad habit i've gotten into.  so they thought z was hubby's biological child from another relationship.  they must think i'm the worst mother - EVER.  it's mostly funny because we had some incorrect ideas about their family, too.  we are now getting to know each other better since we finally broke the ice. 

at a neighborhood bbq with our latino neighbors and some of their friends from out of town, z began dancing to the pounding mexican music right next to the speaker on the porch.  our neighbors know that i speak rudimentary spanish and understand more than i can put out.  their friends did not.  everyone was laughing and 'aaawwww-ing' over z's cuteness.  the girl can get down like you wouldn't believe - it's super adorable.  one of the men of the group made a casual comment in spanish. i  didn't catch it all, but it was something about 'the girl having color'.  like she was a good dancer because she's got pigment in her skin.  i actually thought it was kind of cute - it didn't bother me that he said that - i could tell it was in appreciation.   but you should have seen my neighbor's eyes.  he and i looked at each other the moment after it was said - his eyes were petrified that i'd been offended (he's always very concerned about making sure we're happy, comfortable, well fed when at their home).  i just smiled and nodded and hoped he wasn't too concerned about it. 

so - anyhow - that's what i've got for now.  lots of bits and pieces, odds and ends.  no real cohesive post.  i'm feeling a little blocked and i don't want to push it.  so i decided to just post randomness instead. 

Comments

[Jenny]

Randomness is more than welcome. :) It's always great to hear what's up in the Afrindie household!

[cityslickermom]

I know what you mean about interesting comments. You'll always get them. sounds like you handle it well though. Me and my husb are interracial and we always get stares,more than comments. but it's never ending. Hey, did you ever learn how to do the frenchbraid/cornrow (i cant remember which)?

[shirky]

I am looking forward to sharing the 'wait' with someone--even if you don't know me!

[Lilian]

Nah... this is no randomness at all - it's life and it's good to "hear" so much from you! Well, I hope you guys have a good trip even though it's always stressful to travel with little ones. And I want to send good vibes your way regarding breastfeeding - I have a feeling it'll work out this time, don't loose hope :)

[honey]

I forgot to tell you yesterday that I totally love how crafty you are and the enthusiasm you've brought to cloth-diapering!

I have no fears for you in any aspect of your parenting a second child, you are such a loving mamma. By sheer will and determination, I have a feeling you'll make that milk come out of you like nobody's business.

Oh, and I haven't gone "home" in nine years because I also fear seeing things that will remind me of my youth... Have a great trip!

[Julie]

I don't know if you feel the same way, but when you mentioned staying locked inside the house when you visit your hometown, I realized that's exactly how I feel.

It seems a little crazy, but I live in fear of seeing people I went to high school with when I go home; I completely avoid going shopping or stopping there for gas, if I can help it.

I think for me it's because I was caught in a trap in high school--I felt out of place, even with the people I called friends. Why do you think you stay close to the house?

[Mommela]

Yeah, the "hair thing" can be tough for us white mommas. Check out Hair Story by Ayana D. Byrd and Lori L. Tharps for an overview of the complex relationship between African American culture and its hair. And for a more practical how-to, get It's All Good Hair by Michele N.K. Collision. Or email me if you need specific product names or ideas. Good luck and great blog.

[Andy]

I hear ya on the interesting comments! It's nice to know someone else in the same situation. You are the only other whit mama with a brown baby that I know. I hope things settle down for you soon.