my poor, poor baby *updated*

saturday morning zade woke up and sneezed.  snot flew out of her nose and hung to her belly button.  she did that all day and the next.  yesterday evening we flew home.  about 3/4 of the way through the trip, while we're on the second flight, zade wakes from her nap and starts wheezing and coughing.  it's a phleghmy cough, i figured her cold was worsening.  i was feeling some coldish symptoms myself.

throughout the night something would wake her every half hour and send her running into our room, squirming and crying for half an hour and then running back to her room.  it seemed she couldn't get comfortable.  but this didn't seem too alarming, as she does have trouble adjusting to home again after we travel.  we figured she woke up, became frightened because she hadn't been home for a while and didn't recognize where she was.  this morning we all woke exhausted.  zade was still having trouble breathing and was inconsolable.  feeling ill myself, hubby decided to stay home from work and help (he's so sweet).  we tossed around the idea of calling the pediatrician and couldn't decide if we were being paranoid or not - her breathing was alarming - but not as bad as we've seen in the past when she was really congested. 

hubby just called from the ped's office.  zade has asthma. 

i'm so upset i'm fighting back tears.  how can my little one have asthma?  and this the day after i reread the excerpt in the primal wound discussing somatic illnesses - specifically eczema, psoriasis and asthma.  and this after three very distinct and close-in-time occurrences of what i believed could be primal wound symptoms that i was brushing off as me projecting on z.   

today i have learned again a lesson i should have long ago - always trust your mama instinct. 

...would love suggestions, comforting comments, etc. on asthma.

...to come - more discussion of primal wound that, i'll be honest, i really didn't want to have, (everyone else is doing it, right?), including a piece on adoptive mama instinct very briefly mentioned at my recent visit with her and her and a lovely new blogless friend who did an EI evaluation on z.  and how i hate mcdonald's and mattel.

*update*

i just learned that my child was having pretty severe retractions all night long and i had no clue.  no clue. 

Comments

[supersugarstar]

we just found out that charlotte has asthma, too. we'll help each other get through this winter, keeping our girlies healthy and safe.

it is scary, and the other day charlotte had her first *episode*. it scared the shit out of me, and i know my reaction scared her more. our poor, poor girls.

[Meredith]

Oh, poor Zade! And poor parents! I have asthma (albeit mild) as does my sister (hers is much more severe.) I don't want to downplay its significance, especially not knowing how severe Zade's will prove to be, but I want to reassure you that, with some planning and attention to maintenance, it can be okay. My sister had a tough time with it as a child in particular, but at age 18 seems to have grown past the worst of her symptoms.

Anyway, I know that your mama instincts are highly sensitive and that you'll manage this with your usual attention and aplomb. I'm sending some hugs for all of you!

[baggage]

Oh, I'm sorry! I have asthma too. I think the worst part about it is that is scary. It helps a lot if you can be very calming when she asthma attacks, which is hard because it is scary for other people too.

I rarely have problems with mine. I hope it is the same for her.

[Audra]

Hi. Long time lurker, not a fan of commenting. Just thought I'd say my little guy had severe eczema and diagnosed as having asthma, although given his super young age at diagnosis, not sure it's accurate. My little guy was 5 months at the time we started the nebulizer he's almost 10 months now and for whatever reason we haven't had to use the nebulizer in a long time. Some kids outgrow the worst of it, some outgrow it completely. My best advice find a great doc. We see a pediatric allergy/asthma specialist.
Not sure I can help, but will answer any questions I can.
Audra

[Dawn]

Oh, rats! And hugs to Zade! We really should have a primal wound support group or something. (Seriously -- someplace where we can talk about this without being called bullshit.) But meanwhile you can call the Kinship Center in CA and see if they know anyone in Portland who could offer you reassuring support. I bet you could find something that would help you feel more empowered about all of that. Meanwhile, whether the asthma/eczema is primal wound or just bad health luck, you're in a good town for getting holistic support and info and she is lucky that you are on the ball with all of this stuff. Hang in there!!!

[Serendipitious Turtle]

Comforting thoughts about asthma: 1) a pretty darn good percentage of kids outgrow it. 2) we understand a LOT more about asthma now than we did even 10 years ago, which means there's more information out there, which is a good thing all around. 3) there are more and better medications for controlling symptoms now, which means Zade and other kids will probably have a significantly healthier childhood than I and other asthmatic kids of my generation did (I'm in my mid-20s). This is very significant, because it means they may be able to avoid the massive amounts of steroid therapy that I and other kids I knew had to go through. Which means they'll be healthier in the long run and not have to deal with some of the truly nasty side effects.

If it were my kid (and someday, it probably will be my kid), I'd get her evaluated by a pediatric allergist as soon as you can get an appointment. That will give you a much clearer idea of what you're dealing with. It won't be the most pleasant of experiences, probably (it will probably involve a scratch test, which is not at all fun, but does give you a lot of useful information. The breathing tests aren't too bad- just breathing into a tube. It might make her cough a bit, but won't really hurt), but you'll get an idea of severity and possible triggers, which can prevent problems before they arise. Prevention is the watchword with asthma- the more you can work to prevent episodes, the better off everyone is. Good luck!

[Justine]

yep they are all right...
most kids outgrow it, or at least the worst of it and as an adult the maitence of it is nto so hard. I have it and billions of enviromental allergies and i still have pets, a dusty house and neglect the vacuming. Work with an allergist and see what you can do for miss Z - good thoughts to you all

[CityMama]

I had childhood asthma (diagnosed when I was around 8 or 9) and I had outgrown it by 18. It didn't stop me from playing sports or dancing and I rarely had to use an inhaler. I always had it available, but I used it maybe 3 times during that entire period. There is hope!

One thing J. and I decided when Bunny was, oh, about a week old, is that if we ever had that back-forth about whether to take the baby in to the ped, we'd just take her. It was so comforting to know that we didn't have to think about it, we'd let the doctor decide. Always trust your instinct and if you ever have to question whether to take her in, just do it. Save yourself the grief!

Pooor Zade, poor mama and papa!

[Meganann]

Don't get mad at yourself for what you couldn't know! I developed asthma as an adult and didn't realize it until I had a full work up with a very expensive cardiologist who couldn't help me because I had a pulmonary problem.

My nephew has asthma as well, he is 4. With him, it tends to be worse when he is ill, in the morning or night, and when he is exposed to animals, or during exertion. For the most part, I put my hand on his back and feel if he is wheezing and if he is, we do a couple of inhaler puffs. They get to be old pros with the puffer quickly, especially since the treatment doesn't hurt.

In really bad asthma, stronger treatment can be given on a daily basis and nebulizer when it gets bad.

Zade'll be ok, and most likely will grow out of it.

[Susan]

I read your blog but have never commented. I am a foster and adoptive mom as well as having birth children. One thing that has been extremely helpful with several of my asthma kids is taking them off of dairy. This is not instead of medical intervention! But in addition to medication or whatever else your doctor advises. Most pediatricians don't feel that there is much link between what kids eat and how healthy they are, but it has worked every time for us, even when we've been told that it won't matter. Susan

[Alyssa]

Welcome Back
I have exercise induced asthma and was diagnosed in 8th grade. I treated it when I ran and during allergy season with an inhaler. It didn't stop me from running competitively for 5 years, so I know it won't stop miss Z from whatever she wants to do.
I took Hayden in at 5 or 6 months because I thought he may have it too. Doc said it may be RSV. Hayden also has eczema and I think the two are linked. Zade will be fine, but I totally understand your worry.

[KimN]

I have horrific, severe asthma (I've had it since I was 4, I am now 29 and never outgrew it). I've almost died on 3 different occasions and as a child tried every medication available (including trial stuff). When I was a child (pre-steroids), nothing helped. I would go through an emergency inhaler every 2 weeks when they are supposed to last at least 2 months. Once I was put on daily steroids (2* daily, for the rest of my life) all my symptoms went away.

All this is to say, yes, it is a horrible disease. However, the treatments have come an incredibly long way. Where I once lived in pretty much permanent attacks, I now forget I even have asthma oftn times. I would definitely recommend seeing a good specialist and get Z on some good meds.

If you ever have any questions, please feel free to e-mail me. I've lived with it all my life.

[alchemist]

Hi...I have allergic athsma, meaning that once I had allergy shots (for 3 years! yuck!) and stopped eating chocolate (woe! woe!) it more or less went away, except when I have a cold. Hopefully Zade's got something similar rather than the round-the-clock kind of athsma...you might consider having her allergy tested.

[Sylvie]

Much love to little Z baby. Don't be hard on yourself. I hope everyone is able to get some rest soon.
I am interested in hearing more on your views about the Primal Wound. I have heard of the book in passing, but honestly, I was a little nervous about reading it, even though I think I should.

[Amanda/Mayhem Mama]

I'm sorry your family is having a rough time! That sound miserable.

Don't panic! Just get through the next few days, and then you can think about the rest... You're doing great, you are fabulous parents, and Zade will be OK!

Sparkle has asthma. It was more frightening when he was younger, but now it's very manageable. I remember how frustrating it was when he was doing poorly. Hang in there!

[Erin O']

Hey there,

Just caught up with you, and I'm sorry to hear that Zade has asthma -- that stinks.

However, like many of the other commenters said, it is manageable, and people can grow out of it, or at least out of frequent attacks. I developed asthma as an adult after an autoimmune thing, and I've used traditional western medicine and alternative medicine together successfully -- you can do both (I'd never suggest tossing nebulizer/albuterol, etc. for herbs/homeopathy).

I've had great success with homeopathy, in particular, along with the other meds I've taken. The alt. med. seems to reduce the frequency of my attacks, the need to use the albuterol, and my health in general.

Also, homeopathy is very helpful for the emotional side of disease, including grief, which acknowledges the primal wound. From my own experience with both sides of the healthcare system (alt. and trad.), alt. medicine always takes emotional/psychological situations into account along with physical symptoms. Sometimes trad. western medicine has trouble with that, mostly because it isn't taught in medical school.

Sorry for going on, but I feel strongly about the help I've received from all different medical providers, some good, some not so much.

If you have any questions about any of this, feel free to email, and I apologize again if I went on too long.

Much luck with this, and I hope Zade feels better soon.

PS, thanks for the link to the "mocha nod" post.

e