water park incidents

we love to go to the water park.  we've been known to go a few times a week, walk through the thursday evening farmer's market and then get pizza for dinner.  it's an easy way to wear out the toddler.  but the last two times we've gone we've had little incidents that i've been trying to brush off, but keep nagging at me. 

first incident - zade sees a group of three kids, around a year older than her, playing together, chasing each other in the water and generally being silly.  she goes up to them and stands near them, without encroaching on their space and tries to join in the play.  she loves playing with older kids.  they stop their play, turn towards her and start making taunting noises and gestures at her - like they're making fun of her.  their parents are either not nearby or not monitoring their children - no one responds. 

second incident - zade is playing by herself in the water and two little boys come up and are playing next to her.  she continues on with her play ignoring the boys until they come up and spit water in her face.  no parental figure responds - but shortly thereafter, the boys are gathered to leave. 

so - i don't know if what i did was what should have been done, but i wonder what you all think.  what would you have done, if anything? 

Comments

[MamaChristy]

I have NO PROBLEM disciplining other people's children when they are being mean to my child. I feel like I am not only - gently - showing them the proper way to behave, but it is more than one lesson for my child as well. Those lessons are 1) don't behave like that because it isn't nice and 2) don't put up with someone treating you like that. I will be happy to have a discussion with anyone who doesn't like it when I tell their kid to treat others with respect.

[Margie]

My approach in a situatio like the first one has usually been to ask the kids who are behaving badly what's up. I seldom have success trying to discipline someone else's kids because my temper gets in the way. But making THEM explain themselves has been a way to get their attention and point out that what they're doing is unacceptable.

The second situation, in which they physically invaded her space - spitting water on her, good grief, obnoxious! - I would have said something much stronger. And definitely I would have asked them to point out their parents so I could have a word.

Not fun stuff. I hope it doesn't happen again.

[mamaloo]

we've had similar experiences there. one time a group of older (6-7yrs) girls were splashing/pushing younger kids on purpose. a parent of one told them to stop, then a few minutes later one of them splashed ME intentionally, so blatantly doing what she wanted to do anyway. I gave her a stern look and said "what did your mother say?" and a minute or two later her mother came over and scolded her. I wish the older kids had a more inclusive, less boisterous play style but I think it's just the nature of the beast down there, the little ones get lost in the fray. since older kids aren't "needing" immediate supervision the parents sit back and watch from a distance, allowing these kinds of things to happen. it sorta sucks.

[Julie]

I totally go into teacher mode when faced with kids who are lacking kindness. I get out the frown, deepen the lines between my eyebrows and use the authoratiative voice and describe to the kids the behavior they have that's being unkind and tell them why it's not acceptable.

They usually go away :)

In the future, hopefully my kidlet will see me model the behavior a bit and understand how to handle situations his/herself when older.

[mopsa]

GAH! Other people's kids! I am always amazed at how early that cliquey, crappy, bratty behavior begins. Even though my boy isn't old enough for me to have had this kind of experience, I have plenty of nieces and nephews and I don't have any trouble calling brats out when it is necessary. I imagine I'll have even less of a problem when kids are mean to my son. And I'd expect other parents to call my kid out if he is unkind too. It takes a village, after all.

[bridgermama]

I do not mind other children acting like yahoos in public, as long as it does not involve my little guy. If however, a child involves my child in these yahoo acts then I have no problem stepping in. Ultimately, I do wish that mama and/or papa yahoo would take care of their offspring.

[cloudscome]

In the second case I think you could simply move closer, look them in the eye and say firmly "No spitting" and then try to engage them in some other game. In the first case I would move closer, look them in the eye and ask them what game they are playing. (with a smile ?) It is possible that they are unaware they are hurting someone's feelings. Kids don't have great social skills sometimes. If you are getting a bad vibe that is probably correct however, and in that case I think I would say something like "That is not a nice way to play" and move away from them. Sometimes when kids are approaching each other to connect in play they make poor choices but if you give them a second chance they turn out to be nice and friendly so that's why I would withhold judgement until you are sure it is just plain mean. If it is certainly mean and intentional, I would distance myself and my child quickly. Confrontation isn't always effective or the best way to handle it. I think I want my sons to know how to recognize a bad situation quickly and chose to shake it off and move away, rather than confront.

[cloudscome]

Do you think race had anything to do with it? I meant to also say I am sorry z has to deal with this so young. It is heartbreaking! Have you read "Loving Across the Color Line" by Sharon Rush?

[Sylvie]

I would have would have yelled out to all the adults near the situation and said "EXCUSE ME are these your children?" Then relayed the situation to whoever responded. If no one responded, I would have said to the kid, that is not nice, would you like if someone teased you/spit water on you?
That really angers me! What angers me is when parents pretend not to see what their kid is doing. My Gavin tends to play really rough and I watch him like and hawk and continuously stop him and correct his behavior.

[Green]

Okay I don't have kids, just babysit other people's kids. But I feel free to tell other kids picking on the kid I'm babysitting, "Hey! That's not nice! You owe her an apology." Then I'd stay pretty close to the kid so the bully felt my presence and thought twice about being mean again.

On the flip side, I'd say the exact same thing to a kid I was babysitting if they did something mean. I'm pretty quick about watching how both kids are dealing, and if the Picked On can stand up for her/himself, I let them duke it out verbally. If someone's in over their head i step in and shut it down quickly.

I once told a kid to go tell his mother he'd just pushed a toddler off a play structure and made her cry, because it was the only way I could think of to give him a time out without giving him a time out.

Guess it's obvious I used to work in a school district, huh?

[afrindiemum]

i pretty much did what everyone else said they would have done. when the little kids were pointing and making crazy sounds, i moved closer, they didn't stop - so i put my hand on z's shoulder and told them that they really needed to play nice and what they were doing was not nice at all. they went away.

with the kids that were spitting water, i hauled ass over to zade, wiped off her face and comforted her and then told the little kids that they were not allowed to spit - that it was mean and they wouldn't like it if someone was spitting water at them.

i felt bad disciplining them, but it had to be done. i'm sure the look on my face both times was all shock and horror that someone would treat my daughter in that manner. but those little boogers deserved it.

regarding race - i don't think it had anything to do with it - but it's so hard to say. i'm going to pick up loving across the color line soon!

thanks everyone!